I once was lost but now I'm found

The pain is keeping me up and I'm left in my own world to think. Years since I've had pain, and it's still not really any easier to deal/bear with. I continue to dislike that pain can immobilise me and keep me up at night. I dislike that it's such a big part of my life, and that it could possibly follow me to my grave. The thought of being in pain for the rest of my life scares me so much. God, I'm struggling.  Help. 

Placing this here to remind myself of two truths that stuck out in this chapter. "Jesus is the same yesterday and today and forever." "For we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come." Lord Jesus,  Thank you that you have, is and will always remain the same. Thank you that I can always rely on you, knowing that you will not forsake me. Thank you for your sacrifice. Help me to be bold in proclaiming your name, knowing that time on this earth is limited. Thank you for the hope of a new city where there is no weeping, pain and suffering. 

Being reminded that God works and uses me in tremendous ways, despite my little faith. I'm eternally thankful for Jesus, the founder and perfecter of my faith, who endured the cross, despised shame and is now seated at the right hand of God.  Thank you for your enduring love, that you even humbled yourself, even to a cross, so that I, measly, little Annie, could be in a relationship with you, the perfect, great, almighty creator.  Thanks Dad. 

In the midst of life's busyness, it's not often that I get a chance to stop and just admire the beauty of God's creation.  Today, I looked up at the night sky and felt in awe of how far, and how wide our universe is.  Oftentimes, it is easy to belittle God, and forget how great He is, yet He is the one who sustains such a universe.  And yet, to think that such a great God loves us, measly humans, to the point where even though we mocked and rejected Him, He still died for us, so painfully, on the cross. So that we would be able to have a relationship with this great God.  Lord, your grace in unfathomable. Your love is boundless. And I am forever thankful. 

There's been a lack of updates since the year began, but I guess it isn't such a bad thing, considering the nature of my posts.  Mum has kept me thinking over the past few days about the family, especially about my grandparents, uncle and aunt. With my grandparents moving to my uncle's place, mum and dad have been slaving away, trying to get things done asap, as per request from grandma. Which would've been fine, if not for the lack of honesty and appreciation towards my parents. Mum has been extremely upset because to my grandparents, mum will always be the 'disobedient' (不孝) daughter in law, even though she, for years, has tried to gain their approval. On the contrary, my uncle and aunt have done almost nothing, and yet, they are seen as the 'good kids', simply because they are smart people.  For myself, I have no idea how to act as a child, and grandchild. A part of me wants to unleash the anger felt for the unfairness towards my parents, but at the s...