I once was lost but now I'm found

God seeks the lost, just as a shepherd goes looking for the sheep that has gone astray. I couldn't be more thankful. Thanks for your great mercy and kindness. 

When Satan tempts me to despair and tells me of the guilt within,  upward I look and see Him there,  who made an end of all my sin. 

I brought a knife to my skin today. I thought about putting enough pressure to draw blood. It wasn't going to do a lot of harm. I regret it.  We are called to rejoice in hard things. But I'm not coping. I'm lost, stressed and confused.  Help me Lord. 

婆婆 (grandma) passed away today. I'm finding it very difficult to work out how I'm exactly feeling about this and how I'm going to deal with it. There is grief, sorrow, longing, regret, despair. I couldn't imagine what it was like to lose a loved one until today. I didn't think it would ever happen, despite knowing that we will all return to dust  at some point. 婆婆 was a wonderful woman. She loved us a lot, even though we didn't get to see her very often. Each time we'd go to China to visit her, she would be in tears upon hearing our voices behind the door. She would greet us with a huge smile. I love her. 婆婆，我好掛著妳啊。 

The correct response to Jesus:  They glorified the God of Israel. 

Dad talked about death like it wasn't a big deal today. My grandma on my mum's side is going to pass soon, and my dad said some very insensitive words to my aunt. I am angry and frustrated that dad can so bluntly point out that my grandma is going to pass. I know we are all bound to return to dust, but it still saddens me that someone so close to me will leave so soon.

It's always the onset of pain that remind me how much I dislike and in some ways fear it. 自分に大丈夫と言ったけど大丈夫だと思わない...