I once was lost but now I'm found

Christ the sure and steady anchor,  In the fury of the storm; When the winds of doubt blow through me,  When my sails have all been torn. In the suffering, in the sorrow,  When my sinking hopes are few;  I will hold fast to the anchor,  It will never be removed.

I don't want to live with pain anymore.  God, WHY? 

My grandfather passed away yesterday. He was a healthy man (save for the smoking he refused to give up and the low blood pressure) so it was very unexpected. So unexpected that when the news came, we all thought it was a joke. But on confirmation of his passing, I slowly retreated to my room and panicked. I asked God, why? What happened? Why did you take him away before I got to see him? I'm really never going to see my grandfather again. A startling reminder of the finality of death, but also the urgency of the Gospel. Death comes when we least expect it - use this time wisely. I miss and love you, 公公. I also miss and love you, 婆婆.

I like control. I like knowing what's coming up, what to expect, what the plan is. I hate the unknown, the uncertain - I want to know what the future holds and make sure it's a smooth journey. But as the year draws to an end, and the uncertainties of the next few months/next year emerge, I realise I don't and can't have control.  I have a plan for the future, but as James 4 says, ' What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.'  Who can say tomorrow I will do this, next year I will do this, in the future I will do this? The future is big and scary, but when control is surrendered to God, there is no need to be afraid. Things may not go according to my plan, in fact, it won't, but I can rest knowing God's plan is so much greater and so much better.  Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.  - Psalm 127:1 ...