I once was lost but now I'm found

Mark 4:35-41: One of the passages that have impacted me the most emotionally. In a way, I'm very similar to the disciples. It's not that I have no faith, but rather, I have a lack of trust. (Essentially the same thing huh?) I mean, I have faith in the fact that God sent His one and only son down to die, atoning for our sins. But, somehow I never seem to feel Him holding me as I walk this path. I trust that He is, don't get me wrong. (This is full of contradictions, I'm aware.) But I feel like I'm walking without direction. Maybe I'm just not listening to His guidance. Maybe my heart isn't quiet enough, I'm not patient enough to wait for him to speak to me. And I know, I only have myself to blame for this lack of trust. He's there for me, I'm sure. I just haven't let Him find me. "Quiet, be still" "Why are you so afraid. Do you still have no faith?"

"Since you have been raised with Christ, set your heart on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." Not sure why this verse suddenly came into mind last night. But I know very well that I haven't been doing what it says. Life is consuming me. (I know, I know, common excuse.) But it's just the way things are. School, family, friends, so much to do, so much to think about. I HAVE been raised to life with Christ, and yet, I haven't made much of an effort to stop sinning, to stop putting other things before God. I haven't truly set my heart and mind on things about. I haven't been doing what I'm supposed to, loving the Lord with all my heart, all my mind, all my strength. I still possess so much sin in my life that needs to be rid of. Daddy, Be the Lord of my life. Give me a heart to love you with all my heart, all my mind and all my strength. Take away the sin that I have...

Annie Yan, why are so horrible at prioritising? Why are you not putting God first, but rather putting him in your sub-conscious? Annie, you're so selfish, so sinful. You don't deserve to be His child. You're too easily angered, too impatient. Learn to lean on Him. Learn to trust in Him. Learn to put Him first in your heart. Not anything else, not studies, not your crush, but GOD. Do it Annie. Don't just say it. Do it. Hey Daddy, Thank you for Jesus, thank you for being born as a man and dying for our sins, even knowing how despicable and sinful we humans are. Thank you for loving us and forgiving us through your son Jesus Christ. Daddy, I've done you wrong again. I've placed you after everything else, knowing very well that you should be the centre of my life. Things should revolve around you, not the other way. Please use your Holy Spirit to guide me back on track, where you are the centre of my life. Teach me to lean not on the superficial things of this w...