I once was lost but now I'm found

In the end, we're just alone. Whether we like it or not, we are lonely in this world until the day Jesus comes back. As much as I remember who I am in Christ, it doesn't change. I still think I'm useless, I'm still lonely, I'm insignificant. Maybe that's it. I guess my uselessness, my insignificance, my loneliness only magnifies God's grace. How am I so selfish to think that I'm alone in my sufferings. No. Annie, stop being stupid. But I can't help it. It's truth. Is it not? Who would want me around? I'm just that awkward girl, who can't do anything. I'm just that girl who ends up sitting there silently, lonely even with company. I can't do anything right. 好孤獨哦...

I really like stars. Don't even know why I'm blogging about this, but I really like stars. They're so pretty, and I think God having created them so beautiful makes me love them even more.

If there's one flaw I have that is really ungodly it's the fact that I get annoyed at people really easily, especially those who just keep droning on with complaints. Those who don't get my point of view, or those who just keep thinking they're right. Those who rub it in your face that you're wrong and vice versa. Those who just follow other people's opinions and don't have an opinion themself. Those who are evidently not genuine. If you have ever done this, at one point in time I probably would've been really annoyed at you, maybe even to the point where I don't want to talk to you anymore because I've lost respect for you. I know I shouldn't be like this, and I also know I have committed such things too. Sorry Dad. It's wrong, and I shouldn't be like this because it doesn't reflect Jesus, nor shine your glory. Change this heart to be one that is accepting to others, and slow to anger. Teach my to say no to ungodliness, and br...

Voices in my head are screaming- word that I don't necessarily like to hear. "Annie, you're stupid. Annie, you're useless. Annie, you're an idiot. Annie, use your brain. Annie, what good is your brain? Annie, you've got no-one. Annie, you can't do anything right. Annie, you can't even do one thing. " It's true isn't it? It's all true.

Writing notes for biology and constantly telling myself that it'll be fine. I'm trying to believe that I can do this, that I don't need to stress. But I'm stressing. And I can't stop myself from stressing, no matter how many Bible verses are running through my mind reminding myself that God's got this under control, I still stress. I have a headache. I know why I'm stressing. As I continue to write notes, I realise how little I know. As people ask me questions, I realise how under-prepared I am.  As I read through the content, I realise that my parents have always been right. No matter what I do, it's useless. I'm useless. Stupid. Why are you so stupid?

Sit here, take a moment to just admire the beauty of God's creation. I hold my breath as I look up to the stars, amazed that God knows each by name. I stare in complete wonder at how God crafted each and every living organism. I look around at the people and I'm bewildered at all the unique features. Every creature, made good in God's sight. Humans, made according to God's own image. Why don't we ever appreciate the things around us? Why do we take things for granted? Why don't we ever stop and admire the world around us?  Sin. Oh how you anger me. Oh how I despise you so. Yet, why can't I stop? Sorry Dad. For taking things for granted. For ignoring your words. For neglecting you. Sorry Dad. For sinning. 

I helped an older lady at church solve a 4 pics 1 word puzzle today and she was so happy and thankful. I stood there thinking why my parents didn't appreciate me that much for the little things I do. I wish I was appreciated at home/school. It really does feel like no-one likes my presence, or would rather me not there.