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What is going on.

I don't know how to deal with another "pregnancy" scare.
WHY IN MY HSC YEAR? Seriously. Is there not enough I have to stress about? An I not panicking enough? Because I feel like I'm at the edge of breaking down with everything going on already, so why is there another thing added to my list.

I haven't even fully recovered from the last time, and here comes another one. Let's hope that it isn't real, and the results don't come up positive.

Dad, I know I'm being really selfish when I say this, but I really don't want to have to call up to plan another abortion. I've really had enough of it. I pray that you protect Alice, keeping her under your wing. Please, let this be just a scare, and not the actual thing. (For lack of a better word)
Dad, I'm so mentally tired. I really cannot have anything else barge into my life and have me solve it. You said that you won't give us more than we can take. I trust that you will carry my burdens with me. So do as you please with me.

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A "short" update

Huh, it's been quite a while since I've posted here. Trials are creeping closer and closer, and you can't say I'm not stressed. But at the same time I haven't been the most productive person...in fact, I must say I'm very lazy. Less than 2 weeks til trials and I'm sitting here writing a blog. Here's how I've been going. All the drama's died down since last time, thankfully. I'm learning to let it go and not let it bother me as much. At the moment it seems that my parents are keeping a close watch on my sister, and God willing, it won't happen again. In terms of Barney, I can't say I don't have feelings towards him anymore, but it has been better. I guess I'm able to be comfortable around him again. My pain has returned, but what can I do. My menstrual cycle is currently terrible- I think I've bled for almost a month now. The pain is as usual, a pain- especially to manage because my meds haven't been of use lately....

Apparently not stressed enough.

Why don't my parents do the HSC if they think it's so easy? So, basically, I got my report last night and when my dad saw it, he just kept repeating the fact that my marks were crap and that I'm doing horribly. "You should be the top of the school" My mum wasn't any better, saying that I didn't do well and I need to work harder. Why do they only look at extension maths? I KNOW I FAILED IT. As if I don't feel crappy already. Don't cry. You can't cry.  You're not allowed to cry.
ANNOYING LIFE. I was in quite a good mood this morning...i was happy to be able to see a certain someone for 2hrs. i was happy to be around friends. bible study was fun too. even the afternoon was awesomee. yumcha, fbing,msning. BUT... during piano lessons, the teacher angry at me for not practicing when i had already tried my best. my mum started saying things that i don't like to hear. and my dad lectured me. that really turned my mood off. during the WHOLE car trip i was staring out th window thinking and feeling sad. i really wanted to back-chat to them, but i knew i couldn't. so i was just ignoring it...i was thinking to myself: why do my parents have to set high standards for me? why do they think i can't do things when i can if i try. why do they keep pressuring me? they just don't know that the more pressure they put on me, the earlier i will give up something. even if it's something i like to do. i think being around friends is the happiest moment fo...