I once was lost but now I'm found

The topic of gay marriage came up during break today (because of the wear it purple day our school is doing), and I am rather disappointed in the way I presented my views. I hadn't seized the opportunity to get the Gospel message across, but instead only stated that I didn't agree with it. When they asked me why, I feared being shunned for my views and didn't say much else other than, "even though I don't agree with it, it doesn't mean I don't love them for who they are." And although this is true, I'm still disappointed that I was to scared to bring in the Gospel. Honestly though, I think I still need to look into this topic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjkzfeJz66o I've been watching a lot of TED talks, and none have struck me like this one. It's amazing how God has included in His creation things that help us fight disease that seem untreatable. I was in complete awe watching this video because God's creation IS good. The specificity of his creation is just so amazing, knowing that no detail had been left out. AMAZING.  God is so good.

I've come to realise that I will/won't ever know what it's like to not have scars on my body. And yes, I'm talking about the physical ones strewn across my abdomen.  The general association placed on scars is that they're ugly, and people are ashamed of them. But you know what? I'm proud of my scars. Each and every scar on my abdomen show that God has kept me alive. It's evidence that I've come out of every surgery alive and well. Something could've gone very wrong- the doctors could've made a mistake, the anaesthesia could've worn off before the surgery ended, I could've just stopped breathing. But no. God protected me while I was in the theatre, and now I'm alive, despite the scars across my body.  Sure I'm never going to wear a bikini (don't intend to, scars or not), and people may look at  me differently when they know, but I guess it's not a big deal.  Nothing beats knowing that I could've died before knowi...

Definitely not in a good mood today. Just shouted at my sister because she was trying to come into my room when I told her not to. I need to study but I'm so drained of energy.

I've come to the realisation that I get jealous easily, especially when it comes to academics. I mean, every time I work really hard on something but don't do so well, I am a little disappointed. But when I see that others who didn't work as hard, or didn't study get a better mark than me, I immediately become even more disappointed than I originally was. In my mind, I resent them because they did better even though they didn't study, or I helped them with editing the essay. AND I HATE THIS FEELING. It's not right, and definitely not glorifying to God. I need help. Dad, I'm sorry for feeling resentment towards these things. Over and over again I have committed wrong in your eyes and now I come before you in repentance knowing that only you can give me peace. I need you to help me to rid myself of all jealousy and live a life holy and pleasing to you. Teach me to follow the example of Christ - loving others in all circumstances. Teach me to be content wit...