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Shouting.

I'm drowning myself in music right now because I'm afraid of what's going on outside. I'm afraid that it's going to be shouting over the same darn thing that has been recurring over this year, and I'm not ready for the heartbreak all over again.
I'm afraid of understanding the situation knowing that it will only cause unwanted disappointment and tears.
A part of me just doesn't want to get involved, but at the same time I know that it will be inevitable as soon as I step out of this room.

Where is the love I so desire from this family? Why are the voices outside only filled with anger, disappointment and sadness? My comfort can only be found in Christ Jesus. Your love will stand firm through all my life. 


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A "short" update

Huh, it's been quite a while since I've posted here. Trials are creeping closer and closer, and you can't say I'm not stressed. But at the same time I haven't been the most productive person...in fact, I must say I'm very lazy. Less than 2 weeks til trials and I'm sitting here writing a blog. Here's how I've been going. All the drama's died down since last time, thankfully. I'm learning to let it go and not let it bother me as much. At the moment it seems that my parents are keeping a close watch on my sister, and God willing, it won't happen again. In terms of Barney, I can't say I don't have feelings towards him anymore, but it has been better. I guess I'm able to be comfortable around him again. My pain has returned, but what can I do. My menstrual cycle is currently terrible- I think I've bled for almost a month now. The pain is as usual, a pain- especially to manage because my meds haven't been of use lately....

Apparently not stressed enough.

Why don't my parents do the HSC if they think it's so easy? So, basically, I got my report last night and when my dad saw it, he just kept repeating the fact that my marks were crap and that I'm doing horribly. "You should be the top of the school" My mum wasn't any better, saying that I didn't do well and I need to work harder. Why do they only look at extension maths? I KNOW I FAILED IT. As if I don't feel crappy already. Don't cry. You can't cry.  You're not allowed to cry.

Faithful

A timely reminder in the midst of chaos.