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二〇一六年の第一ポースト - Reflections

And here I finally decide to make my first post for 2016! And yes, I'm well aware that it's 4:40am. Perfect time to reflect on 2015, am I right?

2015 was a HUGE year. Mainly because I started first year uni which required me to make new friends, and adapt to a new environment which was extremely unnerving. But, boy did it all fly by quickly.

Uni was super eye-opening and enjoyable last year. It really makes a difference when you're working at something you love. Having gone on pracs and experienced life as a "nurse", I've felt how rewarding it is to care for people and help people, not for my own benefit, but because they needed it. Nerve-wrecking, but such an amazing experience.

One thing I found difficult was making friends with people in my course, or keeping the friends I made in the course. But I guess I'm not exactly the most sociable person, and I've noticed I did tend to shut myself from the world when I had the chance to. Not sure if a good or bad thing...? Hopefully I can make more friends this year!

Oh another important thing to mention! (Why do I write as if I'm talking to someone in real life...?) Anyway, I think I need to address my feelings for B while I'm reflecting. Especially since the last time I blogged about this was well over a year ago. I can very safely say that I'm happy with and thankful for the friendship that we currently share. I can also say that my feelings for him have settled. (Is that a good word to use? I don't know. I'm not confident enough with myself to say that it's gone completely - I did like him for 4 years after all, but I definitely haven't thought about it for the past year/nor has it bothered or distracted me once.) If there's one thing I'm thankful for in this entire whatever you call it, it's definitely how helpful B had been since knowing. When I needed space, he gave it, but at the same time didn't ignore me completely. So, I'm super thankful for our friendship. It's been an experience that's matured me heaps. (You're never going to read this but thanks heaps!)

What have I learnt about myself this year? Heaps actually! A big thing has been how my attitude has changed towards my pain. I think for a long time I resented it and hated that fact that I was in pain all the time. But last year, even though I struggled through it, I knew, and constantly told myself that there wasn't much I could do, that I needed to trust God and get over it.

Another thing was that I always need to give myself time to rest and digest (not food) each day. I've found that I felt kind of burnt out at the end of sem 1. It might've been because I took everything as it came and just never thought about how to pace myself/decide what things I should/shouldn't take up. If I had taken the time to think about it, perhaps I wouldn't have been so busy and end up feeling extremely tire by the end of semester. Planning is something I need to do. But I've also learnt that not everything will go to plan. It will be frustrating when it doesn't, but I can trust that God has my life under control.

The year ahead will be super busy (I clearly haven't learnt from mistakes), especially with all the new responsibilities I'll be taking on. But I'm looking forward to what God has in store for me! Come at me, 2016!

And that was a super long "reflection" which was kind of rant-y and all over the place. Sorry if you read all of that.

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