I once was lost but now I'm found

"He had compassion on them".  Thanks Jesus. 

Today was a huge turning point in my walk with God. Lately, I've been very unmotivated to go to church and just down and not very happy with where I am with God. Everything felt like a chore, and I was just not genuine in my service and in anything related to God. I couldn't have genuine fellowship with brothers and sisters. I could attribute it to stress, but I know it was a deeper issue than that. I went to women's conference not really feeling up for it, and my heart just wasn't in it. I was singing songs to God, but they were just a bunch of words. There was no element of worship or praise, just songs. It just felt so wrong. But , one thing that really convicted me was the final talk, which was on needing a change in what shapes me. The speaker spoke of how you could relent to the world's desires and let it shape you, and go with the flow. Let the world press you into a mold. Or you could be shaped by the word of God which is within you. You can be a woman o...

Dad,  Sorry for not serving you wholeheartedly. Sorry for being selfish and proud in thinking that I could earn your favour. Remove the pride in my heart, and replace it with humility. 

There is real frustration towards myself for liking someone despite knowing very well that it will lead to the same ending as the previous 'crush' (can I call it that?). (urgh, why do you do this Annie) Sometimes you astound me Annie, you really do. (There is too much irony in this situation) Please, just stop before you do the same thing as last time. No need to add stress onto stress! STOPPPPPPPPP. You don't have the time and capacity to deal with this.

Oftentimes I feel like the seed down in the thorns. I feel choked by the world's desires and worries, and lured into thinking it's more important than the gospel. But I know it isn't, because this world contains no eternity. Nothing is like the eternity found in Jesus, there is only deceit in things that say they satisfy, Jesus is the living water, who quenches your thirst in such a way that you will never be thirsty again.  Sorry that I so often disobey you, and turn to things that don't satisfy. Help me to seek things above. Help me to bear fruit. 

A lot of my stress actually comes from family I think. I can be super overwhelmed by uni work and other things, but nothing beats the feeling of unease I feel when it comes to my family. I can't be at home with my sister and feel comfortable because I'm afraid of what flaw she will pick out of me next and bring everyone's attention to it. I can't face my dad without being afraid that I will screw up and he will shout at me. I can't talk to my brother without feeling dissatisfied with my weight and appearance. I can't face my mum and not wonder if she will judge my appearance, or the clothes I'm wearing.  I'm so tired. 

Are you weak and heavy laden? Take it to the Lord in prayer. 

Have compassion on me Lord, for I am like a sheep with no shepherd. Without you, I wander far and wide aimlessly, only to be let down by masters that do not satisfy. Please allow me to take refuge under your wing.