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I think if there's any conclusion I've come to over the past day and a half of mulling over the situation, it's that what started out as a mere crush turned into quite deep feelings as we became closer and began to talk more. And that's why I'm feeling pretty crappy and actually very upset. In all of this, I am thankful that it didn't drag out for longer, because otherwise I would've fallen deeper than I had intended to. (Not that I intended to like him in the first place.) I think a part of me was a tiny bit hopeful that we might have ended up together, even if I kept trying to believe that I wasn't expecting anything. 

But God has been gracious in answering prayer, and I know I can trust that He has better plans for my life, whether it involves a boy or not. 

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A "short" update

Huh, it's been quite a while since I've posted here. Trials are creeping closer and closer, and you can't say I'm not stressed. But at the same time I haven't been the most productive person...in fact, I must say I'm very lazy. Less than 2 weeks til trials and I'm sitting here writing a blog. Here's how I've been going. All the drama's died down since last time, thankfully. I'm learning to let it go and not let it bother me as much. At the moment it seems that my parents are keeping a close watch on my sister, and God willing, it won't happen again. In terms of Barney, I can't say I don't have feelings towards him anymore, but it has been better. I guess I'm able to be comfortable around him again. My pain has returned, but what can I do. My menstrual cycle is currently terrible- I think I've bled for almost a month now. The pain is as usual, a pain- especially to manage because my meds haven't been of use lately....

Apparently not stressed enough.

Why don't my parents do the HSC if they think it's so easy? So, basically, I got my report last night and when my dad saw it, he just kept repeating the fact that my marks were crap and that I'm doing horribly. "You should be the top of the school" My mum wasn't any better, saying that I didn't do well and I need to work harder. Why do they only look at extension maths? I KNOW I FAILED IT. As if I don't feel crappy already. Don't cry. You can't cry.  You're not allowed to cry.

Faithful

A timely reminder in the midst of chaos.