I once was lost but now I'm found

And here I finally decide to make my first post for 2016! And yes, I'm well aware that it's 4:40am. Perfect time to reflect on 2015, am I right? 2015 was a HUGE year. Mainly because I started first year uni which required me to make new friends, and adapt to a new environment which was extremely unnerving. But, boy did it all fly by quickly. Uni was super eye-opening and enjoyable last year. It really makes a difference when you're working at something you love. Having gone on pracs and experienced life as a "nurse", I've felt how rewarding it is to care for people and help people, not for my own benefit, but because they needed it. Nerve-wrecking, but such an amazing experience. One thing I found difficult was making friends with people in my course, or keeping the friends I made in the course. But I guess I'm not exactly the most sociable person, and I've noticed I did tend to shut myself from the world when I had the chance to. Not sure if a g...

The pain is keeping me up and I'm left in my own world to think. Years since I've had pain, and it's still not really any easier to deal/bear with. I continue to dislike that pain can immobilise me and keep me up at night. I dislike that it's such a big part of my life, and that it could possibly follow me to my grave. The thought of being in pain for the rest of my life scares me so much. God, I'm struggling.  Help. 

Placing this here to remind myself of two truths that stuck out in this chapter. "Jesus is the same yesterday and today and forever." "For we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come." Lord Jesus,  Thank you that you have, is and will always remain the same. Thank you that I can always rely on you, knowing that you will not forsake me. Thank you for your sacrifice. Help me to be bold in proclaiming your name, knowing that time on this earth is limited. Thank you for the hope of a new city where there is no weeping, pain and suffering. 

Being reminded that God works and uses me in tremendous ways, despite my little faith. I'm eternally thankful for Jesus, the founder and perfecter of my faith, who endured the cross, despised shame and is now seated at the right hand of God.  Thank you for your enduring love, that you even humbled yourself, even to a cross, so that I, measly, little Annie, could be in a relationship with you, the perfect, great, almighty creator.  Thanks Dad. 

In the midst of life's busyness, it's not often that I get a chance to stop and just admire the beauty of God's creation.  Today, I looked up at the night sky and felt in awe of how far, and how wide our universe is.  Oftentimes, it is easy to belittle God, and forget how great He is, yet He is the one who sustains such a universe.  And yet, to think that such a great God loves us, measly humans, to the point where even though we mocked and rejected Him, He still died for us, so painfully, on the cross. So that we would be able to have a relationship with this great God.  Lord, your grace in unfathomable. Your love is boundless. And I am forever thankful. 

There's been a lack of updates since the year began, but I guess it isn't such a bad thing, considering the nature of my posts.  Mum has kept me thinking over the past few days about the family, especially about my grandparents, uncle and aunt. With my grandparents moving to my uncle's place, mum and dad have been slaving away, trying to get things done asap, as per request from grandma. Which would've been fine, if not for the lack of honesty and appreciation towards my parents. Mum has been extremely upset because to my grandparents, mum will always be the 'disobedient' (不孝) daughter in law, even though she, for years, has tried to gain their approval. On the contrary, my uncle and aunt have done almost nothing, and yet, they are seen as the 'good kids', simply because they are smart people.  For myself, I have no idea how to act as a child, and grandchild. A part of me wants to unleash the anger felt for the unfairness towards my parents, but at the s...

Haven't blogged in quite a while- which isn't a bad thing. There just aren't many things to update on.  Had another gynaecologist appointment- and I must say that I sometimes wonder why I bother going. I hear the same things over and over again...a little sick of it.  There was however, a proper, more definitive diagnosis to the problem- trapped ovaries. I did some research myself, and it does mean that I'm going to be taking pills, and 10 billion painkillers for the rest of my life. There's no other way to do things. A part of me wishes this could be taken care of by surgery, but it can't be because of all the adhesions.  That's okay I guess. A body like this was given to me- and it's by grace that I can be alive today. It's also by grace that I'm saved- and this is further affirmed by the fact that I wouldn't have chosen God if he hadn't chosen me.  In other news, I've been going through the book of Judges and I can see the attitude...