I once was lost but now I'm found

  I am always desperately trying to control the things I can’t control. How do I pick the easiest way out, the job with the highest possibility of success? Yet there has never been a guarantee, and frankly I cannot control that. Why do I not just trust God? Why am I so anxious, always seeking control when I know that there is one in control whose knowledge surpasses the present. Abraham didn’t waver in unbelief in the promises of God even when all the circumstances were pointing to failure, impossibility. So why do I not just let God work it all out? Will I ever find peace?  

  There is this creeping uncomfortable feeling in my chest. It makes me uneasy, scared even. It comes with a fuzzy sensation in my head, like a millions thoughts running, zipping like ants in their maze of an anthill. That confusion you feel looking at a map of Tokyo’s subway system. It puts my body into overdrive, my heart racing, my breathing shallow, my head pounding. I am afraid. I cannot think clearly. Just breathe. For goodness sakes breathe. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Slow deep breaths. You don’t need to feel anxious, your father in heaven has got you. He will never forsake you. You are his beloved child, the one he sent His son down to die for. Breathe, he cares for you. You are not alone, you don’t need to be afraid. I know you’re exhausted, but you don’t need to keep running. God will carry you through the storm, he will give you peace. Trust him!  

It’s gonna be ok. It sucks in this moment, but you know that this light and momentary affliction is preparing for you an eternal weight of glory that is beyond comparing. It’s painful now, but it’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. Because your Father in heaven, who created this world and all the is in it, who is in control of even the smallest speck of dust, loves you so dearly. So don’t lose heart Annie! You will be alright, trust Him!

I often say I'm a child of God, and yet I also often live as though I've forgotten that this is who I am.  God,  How can I say I'm a child of yours when I so often fail to trust in your providence and your sovereignty in my anxiety? How can I say I am redeemed by Christ when I still so often view myself in light of the devil's lies? How can I say I have accepted your grace when I still go about thinking that all I have, I have worked hard for?  I'm sorry.  Yet, such grace you have shown! In my failings, you have continued to love me and call me your child. You have awaited my return. You have time and time again forgiven me when I have turned away and forgotten that you are God.  Help me love you Lord, and give me a heart that desires to live embodying my identity in Christ each and every day of my life. 

I'm afraid. I'm not sure what I'm afraid of, but I am. Is it the uncertainty of life? Perhaps it is how far the light seems to be. Maybe I'm afraid of how lonely I feel. Or is it that I'm afraid of being afraid? Regardless, you are a faithful God - your promises are trustworthy and true. When has there ever been a time when you have not fulfilled your promises? Never. So Annie, there is no need to fear - the Lord your God is with you wherever you go! He loves you, and He desires for you to seek His strength, and He will protect you under His wing. Do not be afraid! Do not be dismayed! The darkness is scary, but He shines light in the darkness. Live in strength, shelter under God's mighty power, and have faith in God's neverending grace in providence.

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.  - Psalm 16:11 Lord God, In the midst of the turmoil and darkness in my heart, help me stand in your presence and show me the multitude of things you have blessed me with. Remind me of the many things I can rejoice in, and most importantly, remind me of your amazing grace.