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Someone tell me why I'm an emotional wreck right now.

Yep. Someone please tell me why I'm an emotional wreck.

So many feelings I'm trying to grasp- happiness, sadness, stress, pain; all mixed to form droplets of tears.
Why am I crying?
Stop crying.

Daddy...
I haven't been running to you. What right do I have to tell others to do it? I haven't been trusting in you. How can I urge others to do it? I haven't been praying to you. I haven't been listening to you. I've been rejecting you. Hearing your words, yet brushing them off.
"Come to me," you say.
Yet I don't listen, thinking that I can do it on my own. Thinking that I don't need you. But you've never left my side. 
Why am I so selfish? Why am I so proud?
How could you still love me?

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A "short" update

Huh, it's been quite a while since I've posted here. Trials are creeping closer and closer, and you can't say I'm not stressed. But at the same time I haven't been the most productive person...in fact, I must say I'm very lazy. Less than 2 weeks til trials and I'm sitting here writing a blog. Here's how I've been going. All the drama's died down since last time, thankfully. I'm learning to let it go and not let it bother me as much. At the moment it seems that my parents are keeping a close watch on my sister, and God willing, it won't happen again. In terms of Barney, I can't say I don't have feelings towards him anymore, but it has been better. I guess I'm able to be comfortable around him again. My pain has returned, but what can I do. My menstrual cycle is currently terrible- I think I've bled for almost a month now. The pain is as usual, a pain- especially to manage because my meds haven't been of use lately....

Apparently not stressed enough.

Why don't my parents do the HSC if they think it's so easy? So, basically, I got my report last night and when my dad saw it, he just kept repeating the fact that my marks were crap and that I'm doing horribly. "You should be the top of the school" My mum wasn't any better, saying that I didn't do well and I need to work harder. Why do they only look at extension maths? I KNOW I FAILED IT. As if I don't feel crappy already. Don't cry. You can't cry.  You're not allowed to cry.

Faithful

A timely reminder in the midst of chaos.