I once was lost but now I'm found

i feel very insecure and unloved, even though i know that God loves me. i know these feelings shouldn't exist, but i can't help it. ><"

So, in H2O, we are studying Ecclesiastes. The only thing i get from it...LIFE IS MEANINGLESS. /i don't understand it, but because i don't, i think about it more. :3 Moving on... I'VE FINALLY FINISHED GOD GIRL! i've got to say, twas an amazing book. i learnt a lot from it. A God girl is a girl connected to God, and has God in every aspect of her life. "Everything she does is coloured by the fact that she loves God with all her heart, all her soul, all her mind, and all her strength." God IS Love, and therefore we need to love, as God loved us first. "Follow the way of love and eagerly desire gifts of the Spirit, especially prophecy." 1 Corinthians 14:1 Through this book, I've realised a lot of my sins. From idolisation, to not loving, and I sincerely ask God to forgive me for my faults. Lord, help me, to have a change of heart, so that i may be a child who is connected to you. ^__^

had the most amazing experiences over the last 2 days. so, yesterday, i went street evanglising with a bunch of amazing people. at first i was really nervous because i had never been evangelising, and my theology and doctrine isn't that great. however, i had a great time telling people about Jesus with the help of Silas and Harry~ i can't even articulate how amazing it was to pray for someone i had met for a few minutes, or invite people to church. i feel really happy to even talk to people about Jesus for a few seconds. whether those people rejected us or not, it was amazing. today was the evangelistic service. brought along Bev and Nessie. though i don't know thoroughly how they took the message of the sermon, or what they were thinking about the seevicr as a whole, but i believe God has it under control, and He will bring them back to Him when it is time. i had heaps of fun these last 2 days, but it's time for the fun to end, and for another tiresome week to begin....

my dad called me useless, yet again. i can't take it anymore. it hurts me a lot when he calls me useless. maybe i am just useless. maybe, i really can't do things properly. why can't i just be stronger so i can take these comments without breaking down. argh.

i don't know why, but i'm getting really really frustrated with my family. it may be the build up of stress, it may just be my nature. Lord, I confess, I haven't been the best daughter or sister. I pray that you will help me in these times to stay calm and not become so frustrated with life.

so she wasn't mad. gosh, i feel so relieved. Thank you God.

i kinda feel very distant from everyone now.  my best friend; it feels like she's abandoning me. it's like she's not my best friend anymore. i can't articulate her feelings. i can't tell what she's thinking. she feels very distant. i can't tell her about my problems anymore. i can't even get close to her, talk to her like i used to. she's changed, and i don't know whether it's good or bad. but either way, i love her. then there's another girl. i don't know what i did, but it's like she doesn't want to talk to me. she's avoiding me. i might've offended her unknowingly. but i don't know. i could never tell what she's thinking. is she mad? i don't know. all i know is that she's stopped talking to me as much. i miss her cheerful self. i miss the her who used to tease me. i miss her. i'm really scared. what if i haven't been a great friend? what if these friendships have turned to dust? i c...

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us . Psalm 103:11-12 Such a reassuring verse. <3

control it. stop. think. do not think about blowing up. argh. okay. now that i'm calm, let's talk about this problem. so, my sister goes and takes my products to use. okay. fine. BUT AT LEAST ASK. my goodness. you have no idea how annoyed i get when that happens. however, God stopped me on time, before i was going to completely blow up on my sister. God, help me to control anger, and be calm in situations.

In H2O yesterday, we watched a movie called Courageous. An absolutely amazing movie, that is really touching. It made me think about my relationship with my dad. Is this the way it should be? God, teach me and use me to show my father that I can be a daughter who follows You, and trusts in You. To be obedient, and love my parents, no matter what they do. Show me, what a good daughter shuold be, and show me the things i am to do when i have kids. Moving on. So about that history exam i had, well...because i was so stressed and had a panic attack, God showed me comfort, and gave me people to talk to. That night, I texted Silas, needing someone to talk to. Though he was busy, he told me to read through Isaiah 40 & Psalm 34. Psalm, 34, gave me s much comfort and reassurance. I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. I will glory in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together....

i'm finding a lot of difficulty in talking to my dad. i can't tell/ask him things without being afraid he will shout at me, or call me useless again. :/ what should i do God? 어떢해 ;-;

undergoing so much stress right now. >< history exam tomorrow, and i'm completely under-prepared. i'm sick of writing, cuz i just wrote a whole 3 pages. i'm not focused enough. gahh. God, please help me! i've totally stuffed up. >< AHHH!

compare myself, 2 years ago to now. 2 years ago; cusses regularly, always backstabbing, always gossiping, always annoyed, blinded by idolatry. now; feels uncomfortable hearing or saying swear words, sort of still backstabbing (slowly changing?), gossiping...sometimes, annoyed...well. not as often. (hopefully), idolatry...still a bit, but not as major. God has really changed me. WOW. God is truly amazing. Though i may still be quite self-centred (no doubt about it :/) , i'd like to think it's not as bad at before. God, please continue to change my heart, to become someone more focused on You and your word. :)

just got notice that i passed my piano exam. thank God for that (literally) however, even though i passed, my dad called me useless. youbjave no idea how happy i was when i knew i passed, and all i get is a you're useless. great. oh well. THANK YOU GOD THAT I PASSED. heaps of good things have happened this week :) Thank you God~~~ ＜3

Well, I told his brother about my feelings. And now, he's interrogating me. His very first question in which i'm finding hard to respond to. Top 10 reasons why I like him. (in no particular order) 1. He pursues God, and I can see he loves God. /Godly. 2. Smile. (sometimes goofy, sometimes weird) 3. Protective. (He protects me against Goofy) 4. Crazy piano skills. 5. Weird, but funny sense of humour. 6. Serious when he needs to be. 7. Unreadable. (why do i even like that) 8. Unique. (in general) 9. Makes fun of people in a nice way. (idek) 10. His voice sounds nice and calming. There. Done.