I once was lost but now I'm found

There's been way too many tears this week. But it'll be okay because Jesus is still holding me, very very tightly. It will turn out fine- I trust God.

I cried as I was talking to God just then, for a reason I'm not allowed to share with anyone. But, know that I'm okay, because I'm not carrying the burden alone, but with Jesus. I'll be fine, because Jesus will keep me, and continue to embrace me as I work through this burden. In due time, I will let you know, but not now. For now, I will trust in God, I will trust in His will, and walk accordingly.

So, yesterday, I fainted in class and I'm pretty sure it's because of all the stress I'd been under in regards to exams. And although fainting may not be a good thing, I learnt that my mum is very observant. She noticed how much pressure I had on me, and she noticed that all that's really been on my mind was exams. And all day, I was reminded that I shouldn't stress so much, and I shouldn't put myself under too much pressure. Dad told me that there really was no pressure placed on me by my parents, and it was all me pressuring myself that this happened. And I think I agree. I'm always so worried that I'll fail, always so worried that I won't do well. But it's okay. It's not that I'm not capable right? So calm down Annie, you got this. You'ce put in the work, now it's up to God.

Today's lunchtime consisted of people gossiping about someone I cared about- and it made me think. Why are people so shallow? Why must people know about the latest gossip about someone? Dang it, why do people even gossip about each other? I honestly thought the people gossiping and the person gossiped about were good friends, why on earth do you have to talk about them behind their back? So, maybe me blogging about this isn't any better, but at the very least I still love these people and I still see them as good friends. Honestly though, having listened to the gossip, it made me quite scared that maybe I was gossiped about and I'd never know. If someone would turn their back on another person despite seeming to be good friends, I could only imagine the amount of people turning their back on me. And knowing this hurts. I didn't like listening to the gossip and I genuinely think the girl who was gossiped about didn't deserve to be spoken about like that. Peopl...

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. -Ephesians 4:32 Dang it, why is this so difficult. Why have I still not forgiven those who had hurt me at one point?  The smallest of matters- I still haven't forgiven. I'm still bitter about things that had happened in the past, e.g. The friend who had unintentionally rubbed it in my face that she got an almost perfect score in an exam while I sulked about my own low score. Or every time I'm called 'poop' because I'm going to Ignite.  Why have I not forgiven them? Why does this bitterness still linger in my heart?  Look to God's grace and mercy. His sacrifice for you was so much greater, so much more painful. His anger towards you is a lot more deserving than your own bitterness. Your sin is so great, yet God bore it all. He forgave you. Now forgive others. 

I thought I was okay yesterday after ranting about screwing up in the chem exam, but apparently I'm not. I'm constantly worried, and constantly telling myself that I'm stupid for being an idiot.  Stop it Satan. Have you not tormented me enough? All these years you've implanted lies into my head- aren't you happy now?  Dad, I'm so thankful that you sent your son into the world to conquer sin and death. So thankful that you are the way, the truth and the life. So thankful that you've adopted me into your loving family- that through your son, I am perfect in your eyes. Dad, don't let Satan get to me. Shield me from his evil ways. 

I don't feel comfortable being at home. At home, I feel like I'm being constantly judged by the way I do things/handle things. My sister is constantly staring at me, as if she's trying to find faults in me (in which she continuously complains about them to my parents right in front of me.) My parents have so many expectations of me- when I'm home I feel that they pressure me to do well, even if they aren't actually saying it. Dad and my sister are always shouting/arguing. My mum is always shouting at my brother to do his homework. My brother is always refusing, only causing more shouting. My mum complains that I don't know things just because I can't explain it. Dad is complaining about mum because she is apparently not taking care of the house properly.  I just feel really uncomfortable at home- and this shouldn't be how it is. How can I not be comfortable in my own home?  I can't handle all the complaining, all the shouting...and this is wher...

Supposed to stop liking you. Clearly didn't happen. :/