I once was lost but now I'm found

well since it's the 26th, i can finally say i'm going to china today :L and i know i should be asleep cuz i have to get up at 6 for my flight. but who cares. i can't sleep. i bet the boys are already asleep. same with crystal. you know what really ticks me off about this trip...? the fact that i'm going with super annoying people in which i get along with when they're not insulting my sister. seriously. they keep insultimg my sis about her developmental disorder. it's gone on for years and they still don't get tired of it. and everytime they insult my sis, i get pissed. and it's not a nice sight to see me pissed. yiu know what else ticks me off? the fact that i won't get any privacy during this trip unless i hide in the bathroom. and also, i can't go to silas or allison when i feel down. and i can't reach any of my awesome friends. aishh. sometimes i hate going to china. no fb, no yt. i will die. i hope i still have blogger and aff. i sh...

so it's like almost 3 in the morning. but who cares, IT'S CHRISTMAS! which also means, it's Jesus' birthday. and we shouzld all be rejoicing and going into party mode ti celebrate this wonderful day :D christmas to non-christians may just be presents, feasts and lights. and of course wasting money, but for me, it's time to celebrate the day in which a wonderful saviour was born to save us all. JESUS (: carols by candlelight was so fun yesterday at church. i'm getting so much closer to the people at church now. before, i barely ever talked. now i can open up more, talk freely and laugh. ever since i met new people in church, and joined varioius activities, i realised how awesome the people aeound me are in church. and how much concern they show towards me. especially silas, barnabas, yaowei, ritchie,johnny, allison, alysha, sharon and crystal. i love them like they're my actual siblings. and of course my friends in school, especially, bev, tiffy, jess, kim...

i didn't notice what youp wrote on my cbox until just then...so ima posta second reply. apologise in advance...no need, cuz i'd probably understand and just get over it with the help of God of course :D and yehh, talks can really touch the heart and it really helps when you need it, and it associates with your own problems. hardship...i feel like i don't go through hardships enough, it seems like people around me suffer way more while my problems are tiny. but then again, the tiniest problem can make me break down... oh btw, do you know koorong bookstore in west ryde? if not, it's a christian bookstore, that sells heaps of books on christianity and stuff. and it's cheap too :D lets go there someday. maybe after i come back from china (: ps. sorrynfor the typos...i officially hate typing on ipad. it's so annoying. love you~~~

yay! finally no more emotional things :D you can put on a real smile now, yeh? hehe. so happy for you ;) even i couldn't do that. hut i'm happy i don't need to see him for a month.cuz we're both overseas -random- i was gonna go to koorong with a friend today. but mum didn't let me ): -even more random- was popping bubble wrap with silas and allison while talking about b2st during music practice. -super random- doowoon, junseob and kiseung collabs :D beautiful. and lights go on again full version to come out soon. extra things. china in 4 days. i hope they didn't block blogger. cuz if they did i will kill them.

On Sunday, in Cornerstone, our theme was "Relying on God". Alysha, my group leader asked us: Have you ever thought literally being God's child. to be honest, i haven't. it's hard. then we talked about "crying out to God". do i do it often? is it something i do when i feel down? cry out to God, have i cried out things other than, asking why things happen? God gives us hardships so we can grow closer to him, so we can rely on him. think about it, if we didn't go through hardships, do you think we'd become closer God? the answer, probably not. "Have you ever acted like you were fine, when you weren't?" yehh, heaps of times. but do you act in front of God? i don't know. do i? there's no use though. God knows everything. There's a hole in everyone's heart that is shaped especially for God. Yet, we fill it with other things. but however much we fill with other things, the hole can only fit God. Friends. is there reall...

my parents don't give a damn whether i get high marks or not. and when i can't do something i get scolded. i get 98 in jap and all i get is an oh. i can't help them fill out a form that i don't even understand at all, they say WHY CAN'T YOU DO IT? YOU'RE SO STUPID. they don't understand me at all. i try my hardest to please them and all i get are these darn comments. i hate it. hy can't they notice at least ONE thing i do. the real reason why i hardcore study for exams is so that my parents will be proud. all they say is, not good enough. you need to do better. why can't you even get above 90. why can't you get an A. what they don't know is that i've tried.

i've been really tired lately...no idea why...i haven't been staying up too late, i haven't been doing much work and i've been slacking off a lot. but, why am i so tired? oh well. (: jeshikaaaaaa~ stop thinking that you're an inanimate object, cuz you're not (: you're a human, and yes we are all grateful that you are willing to listen while we talk about problems (: and btw, we are not lying when we say you're NOT fat. i seriously think you're skinny (: i'm a hell heck of a lot heavier than you (though i'm taller) and my stomach is a hell heck of a lot bigger than yours. okay enough with the fat talk. i love youu the way you are. <3 the sweet, bubbly jess who is willing to listen to anyone <3 i've been reading this chinese book, and at the back it says in chinese and i quote in english: "when i'm happy, i silently forget you, when i'm unhappy, i remember you deeply" that's beautiful <3 "when the ...

today, i realise how much my mum cares for me, and i feel really bad. i give her so many burdens and yet she cares for me no matter what. mum, you don't have to cry for me. you don't have to be upset for me. it's okay. i'm still alive and i won't die just yet. i still have so many things to do with you...i don't want to give you anymore burdens, but my health isn't listening to me. i've had enough of all this, yet i don't want everything to end. GOD, what am i supposed to do? teach me. i don't want my mum to continuously cry for me. it makes me cry too. i hate it. mum, you don't have to worry about me. i'll be fine (:

LORD, are yiu crying for me? qre you crying over the fact that i can't have children? is that the reason why it's been raining? i'm really scared. i'm scared that the operation won't go well. i'm scared i'll die.

God commanded us to walk in love. and God is love. so therefore, we walk in God.God has loved us from the very beginning, but do we love him? that's a question to ponder about.God loved us so much, he sacrificed his son. what have we sacrificed for God? God never neglects us, yet we neglect him. God doesn't ever complain, so we don't have the right to nag to him. we don't have the right to say that he's bad and ask why something bad happens to us. because he isn't. he never did it to you, so why do it to him. God loves us so dearly, and yet his only requirements for us is to love one another, and walk in love. this past year, i've really learnt a lot about God, and have really bonded a lot more with God. but at the same time, i still neglect God, forget that he's there for me. through reading 1, 2 &3 John, i've learnt to walk in love, and never to neglect God. EVER. 2 John 1:6 "And this is love; that we walk in obedience to his commands...

Why is it always me that gets the blame, me who has to suffer The pain, me who has to take the consequences, me who has all the responsibility, me who has to come home to an unreasonable mum and sister. Why me? Why am i the one who my parents expect highly of? Why is it me who's always left out, me who has to seem like i don't care about things, me who has to strive for the best. Why am i the only family member that my parents won't care about. I don't liks this. I wanna be dead. I wanna get shot. I hate life. 2010 is shit. I want to end everything. I want time to go back to when i was a kid with no burdens and just stop time. No one in mh family knows that i secretly cry under my covers. They don't understand me. They don't even know the actual me. They don't know what i go through. They don't know what i like, what i hate. I strive for the best to get their attention, and yet they don't even care. I hate my family.

can't take this anymore. fudge. might as well end life. URGH. "never let go of something you love" "sometimes letting go is the best option" what am i supposed to do ): o-o" my close sister and brother in christ are somehow fighting >.> aishhhh. i don't know what happened. but my sis hasn't been coming to church and my bro is full raging ><" what to do. >< stressssssss. it's like...end of my exams. and i'm still stressingggggg. i really can't relax. you were right bro ): i'm not relaxed. stomach painnnnn. >.> MRI on mondayyy. D: brighter side. ... B2ST. LIGHTS GO ON AGAIN. <3 china soon. (: dark side. ... shit life. problems flying. brain is dying. i don't have a brain to begin with. should just go an die. not worthy of life. why was i born to begin with? bev's question. love is strange. painful. happy. confusing. stressful. all these different emotions mixed tog...

that's wonderful. absolutely great. you guys hate me so much now that you don't even consider me as a friend? not even family? i hate this. what happened to being in one big happy family? what happened to those fun times we had together? what happened to those memories we created together? fine. do what you want. it took so much courage and persuading to decide to say sorry. and before i said it, you guys let me down. you took away the courage. and now all i can do is cry. memories. happy ones. sad ones. you crushed them. the memories that were kept in my heart have shattered into pieces. i'm very disappointed.

i'm gonna apologise to someone on monday. i hope it works out. i pray that God will help me, and thank Him that He has given me the courage to ask for forgiveness. and i wanna thank Alysha for taking me out so late at night, just to hear me out. YOOSH. i'm determined to make things work out between us (:

so true (:

i have no idea what to write :L i shall be random today :L:L TEPPANYAKI <3 HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEV. enjoy the spam ;) FAHRENHEIT. <3 B2ST <3 PLAYFUL KISS <3 FANFICS :D:D AI DAOOOOOO~ LIU XIA LAI. LIU XIA LAI! <3 BREATHE IN BREATHE OUT. PAKSU CHYEO. 2NE1 PWNS. I LOVE SOME AWESOME PEOPLE. EWW. ASSIGNMENTS ): okay. bye. :D

herro herro. it's been a heck of a long time aye~ okay maybe only 5 days. what've i been up to? well. PIANO. PIANO. PIANO. LOLOL. i went to hunter valley "yesterday" i was at a party on saturday. and on friday i was at the city~ my holidays have been okay. saturday was the best. (: cuz "he" was there. and fml. people from church want to know who i like ): i should sleep now... or not. (:

Problems. what's with all these problems crashing down on me one after the other. first it's love. now i have to deal with molly and bev's issues. what's gonna come to me next. so many decisions to make. my life is burdened with all these problems. yet i don't know what to do. i'm going to seek God. i believe that he'll help me make these decisions. i believe he'll help me amend the friendship between molly and bev. i wish i could be at school tmrw. if only life wasn't so shitty. i think bev is pissed at me now... i really need to scream atm. or at least cry to let all my feelings out. ):

angel from heaven. tiffany tang. you're an angel from sent from God to be there for me. and protect me. <3 this is my first major heartbreak. and now i know how you felt when you were heartbroken. i understand what it's like now. all those heartbreaks you had. how one person can impact you so much. i finally felt it. i'm not gonna cry over him. maybe it is like what you said. i don't want to show any weakness. yet at the same time i don't have courage to say anything. blogging really helps. you can just let everything out and not care. i totally forgot that God was there until you reminded me. i will be strong. you too okay? i want to act normal. so it seems like i don't care. i don't want stop liking him. but at the same time i do. i don't hate him. thank you for your support. <3 and yes. patience is a virtue. we shall wait for our "mr. right" together. knowing hat you and God are always there. knowing that you've been h...

in my dreams... i'm so useless. i went to Rice on saturday and i brought Bev and Molly. but they didn't seem to have much fun...aishhhh~ oh well. >.> i just remembered :L when we were waiting for the others with sharon, Bev shouted "ANNIE LOVES LAMBCHOPS!" and i was like...@#$%$&%^&! no i didn't swear. just didn't know what to say... after rice. i went to the hospital. i waited for 1 1/2 hrs before a doctor came! ughhhh. after the doctor saw me. i tried to sleep. every time i closed my eyes...he was there. when i fell asleep...i dreamt of him. that's rare. sunday night: operation. i HATE operations. D: that's my second one already. >.> i swear it's sooooooooo painful! D: can't laugh. can't sit. can't stand. can't walk. can't burp. can't even take a shower by myself. i take panadol every 4-6 hours to stop the pain. D: gonna be back at school soon :D YAYAY! rally on saturday. :D YAYAY! hahaha. :D

TIFFANY <3 you're sooo sweet. Thank you Lord for giving me a friend like you tiff <3 -supporting me when i'm down. -making me feel soooo happy. <3 though our lifee has it's ups and downs, knowing i've got suchh a good friend always cheers me up. knowing that God is always there for me. knowing that you're always there for me. these things help me when i'm feeling in need. first thing i need to do: BUY MYSELF A BIBLE. my sister's one is gay. love is the key to life. but not just love in a relationship. but love from God. our youth group watched a movie lately. and it's called facing the giants. this movie outlines the basic problems to one has to overcome. but in the movie it always says: if we win, we praise God, if we lose, we praise God. this is exactly what we should do. i feel like i need to change my life...learn to depend on God more and don't always rely on friends. i know that there are people who care for me. yet i don...

why am i ALWAYS the one getting the blame. D: -getting the blame when it's my sister's fault. yet i can't fight back. -getting the blame when it isn't even my problem. -getting the blame ALL THE TIME. D: i don't get it. WHYYYYY?! today i got the blame for making my friend deactivate fb. okay. i admit. i uploaded a photo of her. BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S MY FAULT! YOU DON'T HAVE TO HURT ME LIKE THAT. do i seem like a person who has strong heart? you really think some words won't hurt me deeply. you really think saying those words won't make me cry. well then you're wrong. just because you said that, i cried. i'm not strong. you can cut me deeply just bying saying words you don't even mean. my heart isn't strong. inside. i'm very weak. but in front of you. it seems like i'm very strong. and won't care what you say to me. but you're all wrong. you don't know the real me.the me who is weak and dependent. i nee...

THIS POST IS TO TIFFANY :D tiffffffffff :D i decided to comment on your post lahhh~ 1. yes you can be guarded at times. but being guarded can be a good thing.it means you're aware of who you should be friends with and who you shouldn't. you're aware about who the right people to hang around are. 2. yes loads of tings have happened and i guess that's just how life is...life has it's ups and downs. this is how God wants our life. and that is how we live it (: 3. not many people do actually know the real you. there's a side of you that you don't even show kimmy...but everyone has that side. fake smiles on the outside, bleeding heart on the inside. i'm like that too and even bev doesn't know. i think the only people that know the real me are you and annieh 4. always there for you lahh~ no need to thank me for it (: good to hear that God has given you a solution to your problems. i can't do much for you, but i can definitely pray for you ^^ ...

hello. it's sunday :D -weekly update- monday: boring. got busted in english. who cares about mr carrot. ==" tuesday: nothing much actually happened... wednesday: SAW JOANNEE AFTER 1 1/2 yrs :D miss her sooooo muchhh <3 thursday: hahaha. he waved at me :D friday: awkwardness with boys at lib :D saturday: attempted the gee dance. failed. and last lesson of yr 8 in tipps. sunday: typical. nothing new. and while commenting on connie's status. i actually cried ==" i'm so vulnerable when it comes to love. now. 2 people from church wanna know who i like ==" goshhhhh. i'm def. not telling them :D subject selections tmrw .____________________. not good :D

...i should sleep. [WEEKLY UPDATE] sooooooo. last week was the best week everrrrr. apart from having school :D monday: nessa's :D on the way home saw mike&steven. and slept the rest of the day. tuesday: first day of school ==" nearly got busted. saw lambchops. you should know this already :D pissed moli off ==" wednesday: nm happened. just after school was funnn. on annie ha's train. met wilson(as usual),met sharon&sally&yaowei :D sooooooo unexpected. when i found annie ha at the station...i saw lambchops again :D and he kinda noticed me running to AHA. :D thursday: annie ha again :D didn't see lambchops though >.> oh well. still good. getting convinced by AHA to apply for sefton... friday: SUGARFEST 2. :D and HBD WILSON (: (not the wilson on aha's train) bronwyn's cake <3 SO DELICIOUS. (: new teacher for tutoring :D she's wayyyyyyy better than our last one :D saturday...normal...but had a 20 min convo on the phone wih be...

TUTORING TONIGHT ><" aiyaaaaaaaaaa.  i have tutoring tonight >.>" aishhh. how gay. tutoring at 6:20pm-8:30pm ==" well. there's one pro. i'm going to the snow tmrw :P yes my dad is still injured...and yes he went to the hospital for a CT scan today...and yes he's gonna do physio later...BUT despite all this, we're still going to the snow :P you know what i hate about going to the snow...? the fact that i'm going with a bunch of annoying people and the fact that the trip is the same EVERY SINGLE YEAR. >< stupid annoying people who aren't even supposed to be called humans but humans born for no reason. frkn hell. espesh the short one who has NO respect for elders. he's a year younger than me and thinks he can just do mean things to me and my sister.he thinks he's so smart that he can just bully my sister cuz she has mental problems. =="  oh great. now i feel pissed off :( aishhh. anger is taking over D:< D:<...

SEOUL FM! if you're a kpop freak like me you seriously have to get your ass on seoul.fm cuz it's the BEST online kpop radio :P no shit it is. i stayed up till 3:30am listening to the radio. cuz there were Jaebeom specials,B2ST specials,SHINee specials,Big Bang specials,Taeyang Specials,Super Junior Specials,CN Blue Specials&SNSD specials. this 24/7 kpop radio is TOOOOO awesomeee. KPOP <3 i'm still playing this radio :P the last 2 days have been boredom for me. nothing to do. BUT on monday, my dad&sis were involved with a car accident. my dad was injured quite badly but not really that bad. they ALL had to go to the hospital D: oh well. at least they're safe and sound at home now :D BUT. because of this accident we might not be able to go to the snow on friday D: aishhh~ MOLI WANG. if you're stalking me right now. i prefer you not to read my posts from now on..cuz it is private ==" goodbye.

update for the last few days :D hiyoooo~ ohisashiburi! it's been a long time :D soooooo~ it's finally holidays :D ON SUNDAY: i went bowling with my youth group :D I FAIL AT BOWLING. ON MONDAY: i had the atb. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard. but at least it's over ON TUESDAY: BOREDOM. TODAY: KARAOKE :D SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fun :D sharon,crystal,aaron,alice,rocky&silas can all sing :D okay...maybe not alice...cuz she's my sister and can't sing. but the rest can :D NO I CAN'T SING. LOL silas,me,crystal were singing korean songs :D and aaron joined in when it was taiwanese :D we were discussing aaron yan and 2pm :D ehehehehe. sooooooooooo funn (: mmkays. enough ramble. goodbye. see ya in a few days :D

TRUTH OR DARE. today was the last day of school (Y) holidays!! YAY!!!!! we had a party during geo. and i was sleeping during science :D and in languages we were watching howl's moving castle :D HOWL (Y) At the park, we were playing truth or dare. TIFFANY: if you're reading this, ADAM KISSED JENNY. on the cheek :D Jenny was SOOOOOOO embarrassed. oh and, Mike kissed Nessa, but they didn't care :D i hugged a guy apart from relatives for the first time in my WHOLE life. what's funny is that the same guy was dared to hug a girl, and i ran away...but in the end i still had to hug him ==" embarrassing. Tutor was boring D: but... when i got home...I WAS FULL EXCITED. cuz i got a new phone :D n97 mini. exact same as nessa's...but i like it :D IT'S SOOOOOOOOOO COOL. my old phone is officially my sister's. well. enough for the day :D *yawn*

CRAPPY MARK. urgh. got a SUPER crappy mark for maths common D: SLUG IS A BITCH. she has no right to call bronny a bitch cuz she's a bitch herself. D:< aiyooo. i'm liking lambchops more and more. i said a month ago that i'd let him go. in the end...i like him more. ==" HAPPY BIRTHDAY NESS (^) ^^ hope you enjoyed it :D end of blabbing for another day... (:

typical saturday... normal saturday schedule :D today was the last lesson of the term for CS though :D PARTY PARTY PARTY. :D i really wanna say: SLUG ATTACK! because that's what the slug does to me EVERY WEEKDAY. ==" fuck man. seriously...==" i really HATE it. tasukete!!!!!! if i could rate her from 1-10 on the annoying scale...i'd rate her 10 cuz she's SUPER annoying. woohoo! sunday tmrw :D which means...eheheheh :L

SICK&TIRED. if it wasn't for blogging...i'd totally be sleeping atm D: cuz i'm soooooooo tired. i think i got the flu again D: urgh. why is my immune system sso weak ==" aishhh~ sleep time. boring day tmrw (: 

EMBARRASSING. urgh. it was musicale today....SOOOOOOOOOO EMBARRASSING! ==" the parents were laughing cuz of the second song :( ima join senior choir next year...cuz they have better songs :D but i din't wanna come to school@ 7:30am just for practice D: meh~ i'm bored&tired. i need to be entertained. was at library todays~ boring but fun :D

ANNOYED. befor i practice piano everyday...my parents are like...PRACTICE. what's worse is when my dad says it. then after piano lessons on sunday. i get lectured by my dad. he's like...you don't practice enough...etc. always critisising me. and looking down on me :( when he says "you take piano as a burden...it should be for leisure" but he doesn't know how i feel when he does this. when he says that in my head i think..."if it wasn't for you an mum always making me practice and critisising me, i wouldn't take it as burden. :( WHY DON'T MY PARENTS CARE. WHY AM I ALWAYS CRITISIZED BY MY FAMILY. i think my only true family member is my brother. but someday. someday. he will also look down on me. he will. :( if only i had the courage to do what i want. but i don't. no courage at all. life is gay. especially when your family critisises you. an when you love someone who doesn't love you :( <3

aiyoo. didn't blogg again... aiyoo. this is for yesterday's blog XD yesterday was boring. FCKING HELL. i totally failed my simultaneous equations test D: but it's alright. i got full marks for chinese test XD aishh~ SO BORED. BORED. BORED. BORED. ==" ima blog for today tonight~

OUCH. urgh. i tripped while walking down the stairs today D: scraped my knee big time and it's still bleeding. meh~ OMG my marks were fail! what i can't believe is that i got first for jap and 2nd for maths....AISHH~ BAD ENGLISH MARK. like...srsly bad :( Tell mee goodbye (8) i don't have crap to say these days. oh yehh. NEW RECORD HAVEN"T TALKED ABOUT LAMCHOPS FOR 3-4 DAYS xD

HBD TIM! Tim's bday todays~ HBD! omg. tmrw is p/t night!!! :( molly sat with us today! (: it was funn (: oh great. medieval day. maths test. STUDY! :(:(:( nts: photocopy study notes for cathy <3 ima sudy nows ;) hehe xD

EXCURSION (Y) our grade went on an excursion today ;) it was soooooooo funnnnn! wake up @ 5:45am. arrive @ school @ 6:20am get stressed cuz bev isn't here yet and finds out she woke up @ 6:40am. and arrived @ school @ 7am lucky. bus trip=boringggg! was stuck with a group of indians cuz there were no seats to sit next to bev :( first activity: ROCK CLIMBING. it was boring. totally slacked off. second activity: FLYING FOX. AWESOMEEST THING INVENTED. it was sooooooooo FUNN! i wanna go on it again! third activity: HIGH ROPES. not a chance i will go on. i'm afraif of heights. i wonder wht the fear of heights is...heightophobia? :L but yehh...it looked SOOOOOOOO scary. ==" bus trip home: FUN FUN FUN! totally playing around with bev. went on a high xD lunch was FANTASTIC! yummy. dericious. we also watched all our vids from yesterday xD (8) I'M GONNA BE OKAY! (8) sucked in to those ho missed out their opportunity. their prob;em for not going xD

AWESOME DAY WITH AWESOME PEOPLE XD i was out all day today ;) 8:30am: meet bev @ burwood station. window shopping. 9:30am: meet with ness,kaz&agatha -on the train- 10am: arrive @ city. 10:10am: walk around chinatown & shops in city 11am: RONG BAO TANG! bought Kara album, Lupin, LOADS OF POSTERS. <3<3 11:40am: yes we spent 40 mins in rong bao tang. food time ;) 12pm: caps (: only one round of photos and went. 12:30pm: -on the train- 1:30pm: @ Kaz's place. 1:30pm-3:30pm: filming musical. amazing we go it done xD 3:30pm-4pm: playing with camera. making bloopers. 4pm: went home. kinda got lost on my way to burwod station. 5pm: @ home. took a quick shower 5:15pm: went to Martin's place. -in the car sleeping- 5:45pm-10pm: martin's place 10:30pm: home. and that was my SUPER busy day today. OMG. have to wake up @ 5:45am tmrw. school@ 6:45am darn excursion. :(

1/2 HR LATE POST  XD i know. i know. it's monday already. because my post is 1/2 hr late xD but meh~ i was out so yehh... this morning's tennis lesson was funn after that was even better. i sat right behind him @ church. and i could look directly at him while he was playing guitar on stage xD my seat was such an awesomee seat xD after service. we had morning tea and 1/2 hr to talk and all. so yehh...barnabas...wore this pink bow tie and we all full on cracked up :L SOOOOOO FUNNY. thx to grace&jacky for making him bible study was about gossip. i should stop bitching about jess and backstabbing her. i feel sooo bad for doing it :( should SERIOUSLY stop. piano. don't wanna talk about it. so frkn crap. Aunty ellen's place. food was nice. movie was inspiring. and interesting. documentary on SBS was awesome. the movie was reall inspiring. it talked about how God had help someone go through all the times she was in pain, both spiritually&physically. awesomee stuff...

LET'S GET HYPER! awesomeest saturday ever. apart from the fact i had chinese&tutor...so yehh...i went to friend's place for dinner and the whole night...kpop was on (: i got soooooooo hyper when shock&special were on since B2ST are awesomee. <3 anyway. so as usual i had chinese school&tutor. nothing special happen today. apart from the fact that it was teresa&dannielle's bday xD HBD to both of you! <3 that's it todays~

FAILED THE SCIENCE COMP. omg. we had science comp @ period 2 today~ SOOOOOOOOO FRKN HARD!!!!!!!! so...yehh... i really shouldn't have told anyone about Lambchop...peope keep teasing me about it!!! :( not cool. mehh~ who gives. as long as only th people who know don't spread it to other people. esp...seftoners. cuz it might spread to him...and then...disaster. :L Period 1 today wasn't that bad~ P.E. we were doing netball~ it was actually quite fun once you got the hang of it~ but i seriously would rather basketball~ I'm quite happy cuz i missed geo today~ but mann..the science comp was VERY hard~ rest of the day was like normal...nothing special happened.  after school...i went through my WHOLE maths book and did all the things i hadn't finished ;) i'm such a lazybum...need to study study study! didn't practice piano todays (:  wahhhhhhhhhh~ ==" life is gay. especially when you are going through your rebellious stage.

BLOGGING ON IPAD! ima blog in ipad todays xD it's fun! :L anyways~ i go to school...and the first person i hear is the slug ==" fck man. so frkn loud you can hear her from the front gate! we had evacuation todays~ stuff living skills...but evacuation was a waste of time (i was gonna write money) :L but i can guarantee you...the slug being born into this world is a waste of time&money. sometimes i like to wonder...why the heck was i born into his world...what would happen if i wasn't born...hmmm...i wonder (: sometimes i truly do wish i wasn't born...but i guess GOD has a reason for why we were born...same thing with why i had HIrschsprung's disease, so if you are someone who likes to wonder these things..just remember GOD made you for a reason...no matter what it is...you are still important to this world (: AHA&Betty gave me a chance to see him...again...they purposely walked to the carriage he was in so that i could see him...such a waste of tim...

STREETDANCE (Y) went to the movies todayy~ it was funn! watched streetdance 3D sooooooooawesome~...rest of day was normal~ cbf to blog. (:

EETTTOOOO. hmmm...as usual, my saturday was boring. with all these darn classes to attend to. but...LIVE WITH IT ANNIE. THAT'S HOW YOUR LIFE WAS SET OUT. why is it that God wants us to go through all these hardships...why is it that he set out our life this way...? when i was born, i had hirschsprungs disease. my brother too. did God have to make us to be 1:5000 children to get this disease? was it nessecary for us to have that disease? there's soooooo many questions i want to ask...but i'm too scared to ask anyone. anywayss... boring days~ WISH IT WAS HOLIS! then i could go out and all... wahhhhh~ but now...PRESSURE. urgh urgh. ARGHHHHHHHHHH. i'm not talking about him on this blog anymore~ there's nothing to talk about. i got over him...i think. HOPEFULLY~ (: nothing to blab. XD TIFFANYYY! GANBATTE!! I'LL PRAY FOR YOU AH~ <3

SORRY TIM! i can't believe i egged/floured someone today! okay~ so i did the flouring...but still!!!!! ==" worst thing i've ever done to someone in my life. ==" SORRY TIM! >< athletics today XD it was fun! bludged the WHOLE day ;) photos too ;)  it was TOTALLY awesomee xD can't wait for next time (: hmm... anyways~ library topic. we didn't really go to the library but instead the park... Ying and her group were there and they were playing with eggs and whipped cream and flour... then...Ying gave some eggs and flour to us to throw @ a person...so we decided to throw @ tim... we chased him around...and angiee threw. unluckily for tim...it landed onto his shirt~ after a few more eggs, he got super messed up, so we decided to go back to the lib to get him cleaned up...but we didn't go in the end xD then...adam,eddie&mike came...with a  pole... we sprayed water on tim to get him clean and he changed his shirt int his sports uniform cu...

wahh~ sorry folks. forgot to blog yesterday xD urgh. athletics carnival tomorrow :( not cool ok. so i've gotten over him? no big deal nows? can act normal? maybe not VERY normal. but normal.  omg. gillette shaving cream as tech teacher todays. :( sooooo annoying. but i made a friendship bracelet XD period 2 was funn XD it was! honestly! maths (: it was chaotic XD we were listening to music while doing equations. but of course..with shock&mystery on, there's no way we can concentrate. urgh. i failed jap listening test! 22 1/2 out of 25! ): all the rest were full marks! except for that one :( NOOOOOO. jap is important to me too!  anyways. ANNIE HA! GANBATTE!  postman pat's cat =="

YO. urgh. postman pat's cat is such a bitch. ==" always trying to get attention. anyways....my day wasn't so bad~ p.1 was tech (Y) p.2 was engrish with the "hung-over" mr bean...aka carrot man...but luckily it was replaced my speaker's cup (: p.3 was living skills...bumming around (: hachiko(Y) soooooo sad! p.4 was maths ==" OMG. that bitch of a teacher! farrout! went to gary's place todays (: as interesting... the best bit was afterwards ;) freebies @ maccas! LOL. my friend who works there gave us free icecream and french fries...bacon cheeseburger was $2...such a bargain (Y) TY YAO-WEI! <3

CHUDAY. no. today. was an ordinary day. train: came 2 mins early. but late train came 10 mis late. School: nearly late. ==" P.1: science with hitman. science is becoming bludgy. microscopes are interesting ;D P.2: maths with some indian lady. she's despicable. equations are easyyy. P.3: art with the baat po. i hate her. Lunch: not fun. farrout. in the hall~ practicing for choir...but after wards was fun. NEO JEONG MAN MYSTERY MYSTERY. EVERYDAY I SHOCK! (SHOCK) EVERY NIGHT I SHOCK! (SHOCK) Assembly: urgh. embarrassing ==" ms economy's stuffed up speech (Y) P.4: another baat por. but this one's a sei baat por. after school: deal with darren. sorry ness.not gonna tell you what it was (: home: urgh.piano practice was FAIL. meh. so...that's my day (:

ANNOYING LIFE. I was in quite a good mood this morning...i was happy to be able to see a certain someone for 2hrs. i was happy to be around friends. bible study was fun too. even the afternoon was awesomee. yumcha, fbing,msning. BUT... during piano lessons, the teacher angry at me for not practicing when i had already tried my best. my mum started saying things that i don't like to hear. and my dad lectured me. that really turned my mood off. during the WHOLE car trip i was staring out th window thinking and feeling sad. i really wanted to back-chat to them, but i knew i couldn't. so i was just ignoring it...i was thinking to myself: why do my parents have to set high standards for me? why do they think i can't do things when i can if i try. why do they keep pressuring me? they just don't know that the more pressure they put on me, the earlier i will give up something. even if it's something i like to do. i think being around friends is the happiest moment fo...

I AM PISSED. i'm super pissed at my friend...cuz she made an event to be on the same day as my event was...i was like OMG. why the heck did she have to do that! just because she doesn't wanna go...doesn't mean she can do something that will upset me...but of course wouldn't tell her...i don't wanna lose an important friend. but still...I'M REALLY PISSED! obviously people would want to go to her event instead of mine...but...who cares. if nobody wants to go...i'll go by myself. D< why do people in this world like to piss me off so much...am i THAT vulnerable? have they never thought that it would hurt my feelings? just because i care about my friends, it doesn't mean you can make me upset! or is it because you think that it won't hurt me to do something i think will hurt my feelings. IS THIS WHAT A TRUE FRIEND IS? I REALLY HOPE THEY DON'T THINK THAT. because it isn't. at least i have true friends. but to me, all my friends are SUPER ...

Bludgy Day i had quite a bludged day @ school todays (: i think i'll write tomorrow...cbb todays (:

HBBD JESS! (happy belated bday) so my day wasn't too bad~ just that i feel like i should act more like myself in front of people. in front of them...i act like i can handle things, and really strong, but at heart, i'm not like that...i cry for the slightest things like getting lectured by my parents. I guess it is hard to do that cuz a normal human would act differently around people that when they are alone (: My life is quite stuffed up nowadays, though it was before. I need a place where i can be alone, a place where i can be myself, do anything i want. i just want freedom.free myself from my parents and all my problems. just relax and do all the things i want to do. who knows...maybe it will happen (: I've gotten over him slightly (: but i guess i can't let go yet. if you know me and think that i'm not going through any pain, then you're wrong. there's something in this world called putting on an act and that's what i'm doing. life is un...

 IN DE RIBARY/PARK. (I CAN SPELL BUT THIS IS ASIAN) today...after school...as usual~ i went to the library~ we played chubby bunny XD hahah~ sucked in boys. you can't beat me~ i got 17 (: then~ because we were too noisy...we were told by the librarian to play somewhere else...so we went to the park (: in the park...i took stalker photos...and played basnetball~ LOLS people like to bully disabled people...I'M DISABLED. nahh~ just a strained muscle ==" waiting for the equipment...then most people went home... brownie,ness and me took photos... @ around 5:18...i went back to get my bag...and almost ran to tutoring... tutoring was gay. anyways~ going home...i got texts from adam...saying~ cmon...isn't there a better answer... hahahs! sucked in. mandy most likely doesn't like you. ASK FOR YOURSELF. even if you get a NO you can still be friends with her ==" LIFE OF LOVE. slowly...i mean slowly...getting used to the feeling of letting go of him. no cha...

MY LEG HURTS. what a day...limping around...==" i feel so useless...can't do anything on my own... been depending on people because my leg is hurts...meh~ anyways~ just wanna say... ADAM ZONG IS A NOOB. jksjks life is kinda gay. i'm still thinking of him from time to time... it just seems like i still slowly not liking him as much now...it's kinda lonely though...but that's life for you! i just don't have the courage to get a straight NO if i confessed...so no way i'm confessing (: blab time: MY LEG HURTS LIKE HELL. MUFTI DAY! WOOHOO! THE LIBRARY IS FUN. I DUNNO WHY I LIKE GOING TO SCHOOL... I'M BORED. MY FAMILY IS ANNOYING. I HATE BEING ORDERED AROUND SO DON'T DO IT. LIFE ISN'T EASY. ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN (:

bleh~ MY DAY WAS...crazyy  Period 1: strained my muscle...to the sick bay! Period 2: walked back to geo...up the stairs with my dead leg. Period 3: edward scissorhands. BORING. ==" Period 4: classroom downstairs...THANK GOODNESS. but...==" After School: to the library i go :) i feel sorry for jess :( she had to walk super slowly to get there...got there @ around 3:45..40 mins ==" farrout... At library: was awesomee. people helped me move around...i insisted on being independent :) After Library: ok...it took me 1/2 hr to walk to the station...THEN. i was waiting for the train...and someone splashed water on me...FARROUT. Walking home: i was walking towards the direction of my church...i was quite lucky tomeet someone from my church that i know ;) and then someone drove me home...got home at like 6:15 Home: when i got home, my mum was questioning me...ANNOYING. NOW: multitasking..

FANNY-TI? nah~ TIFFANYY i need to learn to blab more. i hope i an figure it out myself...but yehh...i'll get over it..someday maybe then i can act normal in front of him and we can still be friend :) when your pimples die down...it don't really notice pimples on your face...LOLS time to blab. MY SISTER IS AN ASS. MY BROTHER HAS DREAMS ABOUT SUPERHEROES. I'M GAY. NOT THE HOMOSEXUAL WAY. MY FRIENDS ARE AWESOMEE. <33 ILY TIFF! <333333

TO:TIFF ILY <3 as long as we are there for each other and God is there for us :) I like the romance part of shoujo manga too, but sometimes, i don't really like the ending :) and yes, your dedi was sad, but at the same time it cheered me up ;) alright on the outside...our hearts will recover soon! and we'll do it together! ILY!!!!!!!! <3333333333333333

ok..i'm diabetic...but i ate marshmallows... chubby bunny is the awesomeemest game EVER! stuffing marshmallows ;) got 16 in my mouth need to have a rematch with angela! hahahs. beverley fails.

I have no idea why, but there are times when i just wanna hide under my blanket and cry...there's no reason to it...just wanna cry... Feeling lonely...it's a feeling when you find yourself in a world, where nobody's there. It's a time when you want to find someone to talk to, to tell them all your feelings. "I am exhausted by sorrow, and weeping has shortened my life. I am weak from my troubles; even my bones are wasting away." Psalm 31:10 (Good News Bible) That is how I feel... but I know, that God is always there with me when i'm lonely. As it says, " And I will ask the father, and he will give you another Counsellor to be with you forever-the Spirit of Truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you" John 14:16-17 (NIV) A quick shout out to Tiffany for giving me advice (:

My life is a total mess. i seriously need to fix it up. doing assignments in the last minute is not good. studying for tests on the day we have it is not good. not doing homework isn't supposed to be done. My friends...i should be more considerate of them. i should be doing so much more that i'm not doing now for them. My family...i should be helping them out a lot more in the house. i should be listening to my dad and clean up my super messy room. i should be doing sooo much...but i'm not doing it. God, i pray that you will help me fix myself up and i pray that you will change my heart. Amen.

hahahs. don't be tricked by the title ;)  i don't have an unrequited love at the moment. Today my main topic is friendship. Friends...what is it exactly...are they just people that are there when you need them? To me...friends are people i love and people that i am there for when they need help. Also, they are people that are there for me too... But is that it?  In the bible, it says:  "A man of many companions may come to ruin,  but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. " Proverbs 18:24 New International Version What does this exactly mean? To me, this verse means that someone who has many companions that he doesn't love or that doesn't love him will end up with no friends at all, but even though this person has many companions, there is one friend that is closer to him than a brother is. This is my way of explaining this verse, what do you think?

my bday was on 24/04 it was the awesomeemest out of all the bdays i ever had... but two bad things happened...my sis made me show my angry side...and i had chinese school. i got some pretty awesomee pressies too ;) 9am-12pm : chinese school is not cool ;) 12pm-3pm :shopping on my own...for my friend's pressie ;) met corrina on the way shoppig was fun...fun the fun bit comes afterwards ;) 3pm-5pm : bumming around at home...practicing piano,talking to wendy and playing with julia...julia gave me a pressie...it was a pencil case,a necklace and 4 pencils ;) thank you jules <3 5pm-9pm : WOOT BOWLING! soooooooooooooooo awesomee...thanks susanna for organising ;) and HAPPY EARLY BDAY! we were all strathfeildians expet for julia =P gott sooo many pressies ;) food was delicious...couldn't eat the cake though :(  9pm-10pm : gone home...sis made me SUPER angry :( Pressies i got : 2 phone accessories, a stuffed toy, 3 pencil cases,a pir of stickers,shower gel,cards,a fishy clip,a DIY l...

Today I want to share a bible verse that i quite liked ;) Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend them ... selves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Eccl 4:9-12 this helped me go through a hardship with a friend ;) hope you like it too. PRAISE THE LORD FOR HIS GLORY AND LOVE FOR US ;)

hahas...i changed my layout again ;) took me 4 hours...hope you like it ;)

WHO LOVES MY NEW LAYOUT? 2PM <3 special thanks to catheeyy for helping me with my template ;) <3  we love you cathyy. you know we do ;)  <3<3<3

first day of term 2... SO FRKN BORING. Period one. Science. You cannot imagine how boring it was....instead of working...i was bumming around. The teacher...a monotone...was talking non-stop and everyone in class was like...yeh yeh...who cares...just write it down and play. Period two. Technology. We were doing sewing the WHOLE period...the teacher is such an asshole...we got in trouble just by whispering... MY FRIEND IS A LIFESAVER. She helped me a lot in sewing because i SERIOUSLY fail at it... Period three. Geography. This lesson was probably the most fun...Ms is sooooooooo awesomee. seriously...wew ere in the computer room work...and suddenly ms sings. she tried to annoy us...but of course...she didn't succeed ;) Period four. Maths. Maths...always boring...but at least we can bum around...cuz miss is sooo awesomee...we can talk while she does...but we all know...that's showing no respect...so we pass notes ;) my boring day...was VERY boring...shouldn't first days be fun...

hello. to day i went to laser tag with my friends ;) sooooooooo awesomee we played two rounds...in the second round our group was in the same team ;) in the first round, my team came FIRST! there were 6 girls and 2 guys that went. we also played DDR;) Afterwards, we had lunch at subway while one boy left. then we went to our friend's house and one girl left. they both have dogs...URGH. then we went to the park...the park was soooo funn. we played truth or dare and made prank calls ;) today was the best...can't wait to go nxt holis ;)

i'm so bored that i'm blogging. actually i'm blogging because joanne told me to. absolutely nothing to do. this is what i'm going to write. nothing to do nothing to do. nothing to do.. nothing to do... nothing to do.... nothing to do..... nothing to do...... nothing to do....... nothing to do........ nothing to do......... nothing to do.......... (get the pattern? count the dots.)

You know how people say people can have double personalities? It's the same with me...when I'm at school, church, or facing other people and family, i make myself seem really strong. Strong...not physically, but emotionally. But, when i'm alone, in my room, I'm actually a very weak person. I person who will break down really easily.But that it why I don't want to show my weak side. I want to make everyone think that I'm a strong person who can take care of my siblings. But in my heart, I know that even though everyone thinks I'm strong, i can't fool God. He's the one who knows the real me. This is a picture i took out of the blue, the real thing is awesomee.