I once was lost but now I'm found

And here is when 2012 draws to a close and I recap. It's been a strange year. The first quarter, it was like I was on a high. Back when kpop still mattered and was part of the temporary cheer up method. In which, God mattered, but kpop seemed bigger. I ran away from home this year? Feels like yonks ago. Second quarter: When friendships mattered a lot and I was blinded by the fact that I wasn't loved, that the world would end because my friend stopped talking to me. When I really started to feel lonely. When I wanted the attention from people, rather than focusing on pleasing God and being His servant. Third quarter: When God really begins to take over. When sin really begin to crawl out and show itself. When insecurity really begins to kick in. When I find no satisfaction in ' I love you' When people drift away as I am left to deal with this 'alone'. And I'm still seeking approval of man rather than God. I wanted love. No, I'm not okay. Final quar...

" Comfort for weary sinners Strength for the struggling saint Jesus Christ has risen from the grave" A great reminder that Jesus is our hope and that he has overcome death. So hope in Him. For he is eternal, he is our hope. He is victorious, he is the way, the truth and the life. So hope in him in times of despair. John 16:33. Take heart. He has overcome the world.

Keep holding on, Annie. Don't let go of this hope in Jesus. Don't give in to sin. Fight this battle faithfully. Keep going. Keep holding on. Run to His embrace. Hold on. Keep hoping in Him. Find rest in Him. Keep holding on.

I don't want to go home. I don't want to be at a place where I can't seem to figure things out. A place where I don't even feel loved. A place where I'm looked down upon. No. I don't want it.

I don't get it. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do. I want guidance. I want answers. I need you God. I want to go home. I can't even understand why tears are flowing. I don't understand anything. I can't grasp the problem. I don't know what to do. I want to go home.

Praise God! I was able to spend an entire day with awesomely encouraging and fun brothers and sisters~ Also praise God for outreach today. Had some fruitful conversations of Jesus. Pray that people will work in those who listened to us and those whi rejected us. Hopefully, someday they will get Jesus~ Praise God for good fellowship after outreach at subway & at the rectory. Good fun. :) A day very very well spent. ㅋㅋㅋ

All I want for Christmas is...you. But God has a plan for me, and it seems that this christmas wish won't be fulfilled. On a happier note, I don't need to spend christmas in hospital! YEEEEH! Thanks Daddy! Thanks for looking after me from above, past, present and in the future too! And of course, thanks for Jesus! If not for Jesus, I wouldn't even have a christmas holiday~ YAY! Thanks God~

It's been 3 days spent in hospital...yet they still don't know what's wrong. Why am I here? Why does it hurt? I don't understand. Can I go home yet? This place makes me realise that maybe home isn't so bad. At least I have a comfy room where no needles are stuck in me. :/

(Running out of title ideas) It's so much easier to hide feelings. So much easier to say I'm okay. So much easier to tell people the day wasn't too bad. So much easier to pretend it doesn't hurt. So much easier to bottle it up. So much easier to pretend. I'm tired. Very very tired.

I'm so unworthy. Why? Why would someone die for me? Me, useless, unworthy, ridiculous, pathetic me. Why? Don't get me wrong, I'm so thankful for God's grace. I just really question my worth. I get it. Jesus died for me so that my worthlessness would be made worthy in God's eyes. I understand that, but why? I mean, am I really seen as worthy? Me? Sinful, worthless me? Worthy? The word just doesn't fit me. On a different note. I'm so worthless, I don't know why I still have hope that one day, you'll like me too...I mean, who would like me? Why would ANYONE like me. O.o

DON'T rub the fact that we're distant in my face. It hurts enough that we aren't close anymore. Don't tell me what we used to be. Don't tell me what we are now. I know VERY well and it hurts. But it hurts more having someone tell it to my face. Don't say it, whether you're kidding or not. Don't.

I'm not pretty, I'm not smart, I'm don't have a great personality. I'm ugly, stupid, awkward, easily angered, strange, annoying. And yet, I'm so blessed to have people who love me, if not people, Jesus loves me. I'm so blessed to have gotten to know Jesus. I'm so blessed by God. I'm nothing, yet God gave me so much. I'm horrible, and yet God loves me. I'm stupid, and yet God thinks I'm precious. I'm not the best daughter, and yet God looks past that. Thank you for blessing me with so much God. Thank you that you use the weak to do great things. Thank you for Jesus. Help me to glorify your name as it should be glorified because you are amazing. I love you daddy. ♡

I'm not particularly sure if I'm expecting too much from formal. I mean, the event is fine in itself, but socially, not really. If I can't interact properly with my supposed close friends, how am I supposed to be not awkward at the formal. Maybe I'm overthinking things again, but it's true. 어떡해? How do I NOT stay silent on the night? *sigh* While everyone just goes off and enjoys themself, I can't possibly be in a corner alone right? *sighhh* If only I had a date to accompany me. :/ God, help?

They may not feel awkward if I just message them and gush out emotions, but I do. It's not that I don't want to and I know they love me, but it's still quite alarming. Which is why I'm here. Y'know, it's so hard to be home. I just want a happy, peaceful meal, especially when I'm not feeling well, but no. It's too much to ask for. A sister who's yapping her head off with complaints and a dad who likes to shout. What a nice combo. Let me get out of here now. This, I guess is one of the reasons why I like time alone. It's peaceful, it's refreshing. No-one to disturb you, no-one complaining, no-one shouting. No brother who wants to play. Just me.

I need you. Right now. The hurt in my heart. I need you. But you're never there. You never see my needs. You never care. I'm nothing but another person. I can't even trust you. You're not there. You don't realise how broken I am. It hurts so much.

Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices.  You will grieve, but your grief will turn into joy." "I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." These 2 verses caused those awaiting tears to just flow endlessly. Yes, I will be lonely. Yes, I will feel sad. I will feel neglected. But Jesus. He died for me. He overcame the world so that I could have peace in Him. So that when I feel sad, lonely, neglected, I know how much Jesus loves me. I know how much God loves me. Things will be better. Trust in Jesus.

Felt really unsettled today. My emotions were on a rage. Mood swings? O.o Idk. On the verge of tears for the whole day. It was lonely. Many friendships, but none seem to have the ability to last. Gone with the wind. Maybe I'm scared. Scared of what? Maybe it's lack of communication? Yet when I tell people, they turn away. They don't care. I'm tired. I don't want to do this anymore. God, why can't you just take me away? Take me home.

Stop telling me I'm stupid. Stop telling me I'm weird. Stop telling me I have no brain. Just because I don't know where to get off of the bus. Just because I couldn't find the entrance. Don't tell me how stupid I am. I know very well to what extent my brain works. I don't take buses as often as you. I don't need to know how it works. The very fact that I even got to my destination is good enough with a brain like mine. Don't go announcing that I'm stupid. That I'm weird. I hear it enough. I get devalued enough. Now can you just appreaciate me? I feel unappreciated enough as it is. I DON'T NEED TO FEEL ANY WORSE.

I don't know why I'm crying. 4 words running through my head. He doesn't love me. He doesn't love me. He doesn't love me. It never made an impact on me. It never dawned on me that one day he'll end up with someone that's not me. He doesn't love me. He'll never love me. I'm a nothing to him. Stop crying Annie. It's not you. Stay strong Annie. Don't be weak.

Let me go back. Just for a day. To those days when I need not have a care in the world. To those days when I didn't need to understand anything. To those days when I felt loved. To those days when I was innocent. A child. Let me go back. To the days when you hadn't changed. To those days before I began to realise friendships were fleeting. To those days when I just freely loved you without having to care whether you felt the same way or not. To those days when I didn't need to feel insecure. Lonely. I want to go back.

These two words seem to be able to hide so much about a person. It can hide their emotions, their loneliness, their sadness. These two words...media seems to always stress that these two words are a lie. Yet, nobody bothers to investigate further into what's underneath the words when they are being used. At most, one would ask, "are you sure?", but then it's just be left at that after a slight nod. "I'm okay." Don't lie. You're not. Deep down inside it hurts. It's painful. But you hide this reality from the world. You don't want to worry people, so you take the pain alone. You want to voice out your pain, the excruciating pain. But you can't bring yourself to do it. You don't want people to have to step into your messed up world. You'd rather keep it under two words. "I'm okay." Truth is, I'm not okay. It hurts so much. The loneliness, the neglection. It's like no-one cares, when really I'm just n...

It's not that I'm against Bev having an older boyfriend...but rather I don't trust him. Sure he's more "mature", but...in what world would someone in mid-twenties be attracted to a 16 year old. I'm not saying Bev isn't attractive. In fact, I reckon she's beautiful, and anyone would find her attractive. Yes, Bev is mature and looks older than 16. I get that. But think about it...25...16. It doesn't work in my mind. Maybe I'm just paranoid. Maybe he really does like her. But what if? I'm really scared for her. :/

Why did the Bible record a strange story of a highly confused, twisted and dysfunctional family? †Gives comfort: proves that the Bible is truly the revealed word of the living God, not a man made religion. The story of a not so happy family. The importance of names How do people pick names for their children? Leah and Rachel's children names tell us the story of their lives; their fight of love . BG- Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah, and he worked for Laban another 7 years. (Ch29:v30) †Each name has its own story, their fight for Jacob's love. †Love, if not from God, it will only bring misery. The Honeymoon was over in a week! 1 week, 2 weddings, 7 years of heartache The first 7 years was complete misery. Going outside God's intentions (Gen 2:24) 1 man+ 1 woman = 1 family. Leah has children from Jacob but not love. Rachel has love, but no children. A Dysfunctional Family Jacob isn't involved; insensitive. †Putting...

How do we assess our own self value/worth? Often tines of crushed self image and shattered sense of security have to do with faulty views of ourselves and God. Isa 43 iffers a perspective to help us overcome this. STOP MAKING EXCUSES (v20-24) God is urging his people to come to the reality that they have a lot to do with their own problems. It's of their own deceitful heart. The people of God fail to realise that God is the loving God, our strong hope. STOP MAKING EXCUSES. If you're mature in Christ, you would look inwardly. Inwardly-> Outwardly->upwardly ->downwardly Making ceaseless praise to the Lord = our whole life TAKE AND INVENTORY OF YOUR LIFE (v26) God makes the invitation to make our case. Evaluate yourself, to start over again. Ask God to search your heart. ACT IN FAITH (v1-5) You can't just stop, but you need to act in faith. Sometimes we have to take risks, on the basis of fervent prayer, and faith. "Fear not" God speaks to hi...

We reap what we sow If you are a deceiver, one day you will be deceived by someone. Do not be deceived-Galatians The bread of deceit is sweet, but afterwards, your mouth is filled with gravel. -Proverbs God HATES deceivers. Put away all deceit and malice, we are exhorted. Deceit has consequences for others; -> Disharmony Is deceit every right? There are exceptions, despite the Bible saying straight out that it's wrong. E.g. Rahab & the soldiers; hiding soldiers in the roof Deceit for your personal gain is wrong, but if you're protecting people from a greater evil, then it's permissable. Leah's wrongs Every time she has children, she says now Jacob will love me, but you see growth for the 4th child. "This time I will praise God for the blessings He's given" What can we learn about God? GOD is sovereign; God has a grand design for the world. God uses the human frailties, and circumstances in His purpose. God can use us just as we are. ...

Philippians 4:8-14 "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances"-v11 We're all looking for contentment, yet we don't find it. We struggle with being content, primarily because we fail to trust God. We struggle to hope in Christ, and trust God in every part of our life. What's underneath our discontentment, and how do we nurture a content heart? Contentment(definition): Contentment is enormative in the old church. 2 Corinthians 12; Even in the hard circumstances, Paul is content. (Because when I am weak, He is strong) 1 Timothy 6 Hebrews 13:5-6 Contentment is the direct fruit of having no higher ambition than to be at the Lord's disposal and be the Lord's. Genesis 2 (example of mankind having complete contentment in God) Discontentment -> sin, rebellion against God First sin in the Bible; mankind's discontentment in God Jesus comes to save us from the state of being discontent in God. A discontented heart is HORRIBLE, and ...

This talk continues to talk about the different battles we as Christians will face in our walk with God. In talk two, ken allen addressed anxiety, in which we fight by trusting in God, covetousness in which we are to have contentment in God and lust, where we are to strive for the purity of heart before God. We also know that God doesn't leave us to fight alone, but equipes us with the Holy Spirit, body of Christ and armour of God (in which our secret weapon is the power of prayer). In talk 3, Ken allen talks about pride, bitterness and despondency. (disclaimer: my notes may not make sense, or link together, but I tried to get everything) Battling Pride: In our society today, humans are so prideful that they say, "I don't need God" and when this happens,when God has been neglected and/or thought to be "not needed", we end up becoming our own God. “ Let not the wise boast of their wisdom      or the strong boast of their strength      or th...

It seems that I have done the stupidest thing ever. Once again, stupidity and self-centredness got the better of me. What are you teaching me? To trust you more? To have more faith in what you have and will continue to provide? To know that I am already loved, despite my worthlessness? To stop being so self-centred? :/

Intro:  Of course, if there's a battle, we need to know what we're battling against. Ultimately, we're fighting against Satan's temptations and sin, but what are some of these tempatations? In this talk, Ken Allen talked about 3 different enemies that we are fighting against, anxiety, covetousness and lust. How do we fight against these enemies? Battling Anxiety: What am I anxious about?  When we are feeling anxious, we're not trusting in God, and Satan likes anxious christians. So, don't be anxious about your life, because God has plans . It's not like being anxious will increase your life span. In fact, it maye be shorten it! Remember, God has us covered! So, DON'T WORRY! In Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus tells us that we don't need to worry about things, because God really does have it covered. “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and t...

Now that I'm back from camp, I've realised how horrible my note taking was. So I've decided to re-write everything in paragraph form. Our theme this year was trivial pursuit, and we talked a lot about following Christ being a battle. Let's begin! talkone: Prepared F or Battle This talk was an introductory talk, which stated that Following Christ is not a trivial pursuit. It's a battle against sin, the world and the devil. 1. Saved to serve How i s a person saved and why? Ephesians 2:8-10 tells us that by the grace of God, we have been saved through faith- not of our own doing or result of work, but a gift of God. JESUS GIVES ME LIFE. -> because of what Jesus did, we have hope in eternal life, creating a new perspective and purpose in life. But, for what purpose has He saved us? a) He has plans for us. b) He has prepared good works for us to walk in. c) To fight the battle against evil. But, if there's a battle, how has God equipped me for it?...

WOW. I've had a crazy, tiring but amazing weekend! From talks, to workshops, to even games. It's been pretty hectic! But hey, it was such good fun. I mean, I spent 3 days with my most favourite people in the world, it would be fun! Not only did we spend 3 days together, but in these 3 days, we grew in faith and knowledge of the Bible together! EEP. IT WAS AMAZING. I'm currently writing up proper notes of the talks, so it'll be up soon! (If I don't be a lazy bum and if you're interested) :D

A difficult life that wasn't his choice: Life on the Run v10-11 Jacob was on the run; he had nothing prepared but the clothes on his body. a) The back story: the threat of death -Genesis 27:41-43 From now on, his whole life was on the run. SIN HAS GREAT CONSEQUENCES. b) A long distance from home-500 miles c) Alone in the middle of no-where God came near: God's initiative v12-13 1. God speaking - Grace; we are undeserving of God's voice -God was born in a godly family but he didn't know God. -God interfered in his life- gave him his promise.  2. God opens his eyes-revelation v13-15 -Heaven connects with earth; Heaven meets earth - God made himself a stairway (v12) John 1:49-51-Jesus' situation; reference to Genesis. -God of Abraham & Isaac; not yet of JAcob 3.God reaffirms his promises v13-15 GRACE. We don't need to do things to receive salvation; you just need to BELIEVE -Behold, "I am with you" - Immanuel Ultimately, the b...

Sudden realisation as to how much I yearn for love. It's the cause of the insecurity I feel right? Empty 'I love you' phrases don't seem to satisfy me. Everytime I shout 'you love me', it's only because I want them to say yes. Mum and dad don't look like they love me. Mum always seems annoyed, dad seems too busy to care an when he does, he only says I'm useless. However much I know they love me, it doesn't satisfy me. I know God loves me. That I definitely know. He loves me so much He sent his son to die for me. But I don't feel close to Him at all. He's like a distant father. He loves me from a distant. I'm okay with that. I just want to feel loved and cared for. But I'm not feeling it. Not with friends, not with family. :/

-What Rebekah did costed the loss of her two sons How sin affects the family -Breaks the family Sins of the mother(deception) 3 things in ch 27: 1. Rebekah teaches her son to lie v1 -Isaac was rather blind Isaac was not only losing his physical eyesight, but also his spiritual eyesight. v2-4 Food was all that he could see! v28; he loved to eat, and therefore loved to eat. v5-6 A. Rebekah; forgot her role has the HELPER of her husband. [Notes lost] In one way, Rebekah did the right thing, but she cheated him rather than confronting him. v6-8 A. Rebekah followed God's plans in her own way to favour her son B. The end doesn't justify the means God doesn't need our help, He only needs our obedience and trust, for there is no other way to find happiness in Jesus. C. An abuse of parental authority -teaching son to lie to his own father 2. Jacob learnt well the art of lying v8-10 A. Rebekah teaches Jacob how to deceive his father: full to the stomach B. Rebe...

Last lesson at chinese school today...I will miss it dearly. The teacher, my friends...aish. Regretting my decision already :/ Ah well. :)

I am so confused :/ I don't even know what you did to confuse me. I just feel confuzzled. Don't be so nice to me. It will only make me more confused. Mixed feelings. Don't tease me. Don't make fun of me. Stop being so nice. It'll cause more pain when you find someone. :|

So, in Australian time, it is suicide awareness day. To help support we write love on our wrist or wear yellow. I was wondering. What if God hadn't been there? Yeh. This question comes up a lot here. LOL Would probably have died. Support the cause. Help raise awareness, and help those who feel unloved feel loved.

Do you know that there are 4 types of bones in every church? 1. Wishbones 2. Jawbones 3. Knuckles 4. Backbones 1. Wishbone; wishes other people to do other things 2. Jawbones; talking (talk a lot but do little) 3. Knuckles; fighting- bending and twisting people in the wrong way 4. Backbones; carries the load happily What kind of bone am I in this church? In the first century, there was a greco-roman church; lots of fighting. Paul uses the Corinthian church to teach us. 1. Unity v12-13 'One' -repeated 11 times v12, v13, v14, v18, v19, v20, v26,v27 Why? The Corinthian church was a church of internal fighting -Oneness and unity are not just a slogan - There are things that can be done to keep 'oneness' in the body of Christ -Ephesians 4:3 ; we need to make every effort to keep the unity in church ALL CHRISTIANS ARE CALLED TO WORK HARD IN ORDER TO KEEP THE 'ONENESS' IN THE CHURCH It's easy to see Christians fall out with one another. It'...

Being childless is one thing that always bothers me. So what if I can't bore a child? I can adopt. It doesn't stop that desire to have my own child. I don't even know why I'm thinking about this...but the fact that I am infertile ...it bothers me. It probably bothers my mum too. I know she has expectations. I can't fulfill them though. She wants to have kids. I want to have kids. I wish I was just another normal girl. ... But God made me this way for a reason. Why must I complain?

I see friends looking down, and yet I hesitate to go up to them. By the time I decide to do so, someone else is already there. I'm really not much of a good friend huh? What is wrong with me? In comparison to others, I'm a horrible friend. Can't even do simple things like ask if they're okay. WHY AM I SO USELESS? >

This questions has been raised up so many times these past weeks, from my own thoughts and when I'm talking to Tiff. What would life be like without God? It's a really scary thought, and I don't know how people can live without God. If God wasn't there, I'd be dead. Those suicidal thoughts I've had would've come into action. I've said to myself countless times, I'd be better off dead. So...why didn't I do it? Why didn't I just go and end life right then and there? ... One answer. GOD He was there, every step of the way, leading me out of the temptation, leading me back to Him. I don't understand how people without God are able to live. I'll never understand that. God is an amazing father. He is "shelter for the fragile soul" Thanks Dad. You're amazing. Which bone are you? WHICH PART KF TH BODY ARE YOU?WHAT BONE ARE YOU?

-A model for us Family today; Kids know more than their parents, opposing authority. Are fathers like they were a generation ago? Do they know what they're doing in terms of parenting? There is a need for love, wisdom, common sense, nurture...there is a need for family. It's God's basic unit. God: Our example of a Father Ephesians 3:14 GOD IS LOVING Psalm 144:22 He is my loving God and my Fortress, My stronghold and my deliverer, My shield, in whom I take refuge, Who subdues peoples under me. GOD IS FAITHFUL Deuteronomy 32:4 He is the rock, his works are perfect, All his ways are just. A faithful God who does not wrong, Upright and just is he. He is faithful to his word. GOD IS FORGIVING Psalm 99:8 You answered them; You were to Israel a forgiving God, Though you punished their misdeeds. Forgive as the loving Father has forgiven. "Forgive me as I forgive others"- Lord's Prayer GOD IS COMFORTING 2 Corinthians 1:3 Praise be to the God...

Typing this with the bigfest headache I've ever had. It's killing me!!! anyway. Straight to the point. It feels as though every time I open my mouth, something disgusting will come out. Like...gossip, or words I haven't processed before speaking, thus hurting people, or just those disgusting words. Oh and also self-centered words. I don't want to turn out like that. Dad? What are you trying to tell me in this trial? What are you teaching me? I don't feel that I can open my mouth without hurting people. Also... My thoughts. Self-centered thoughts. I don't even know what's going on...it's messed up in there. "She feels distant" "She doesn't love me" "I'm unimportant" "What if she hates me?" Everything is me me me. I HATE ITTTT. IT'S SO SELF-CENTERED. GAHH. It's back. The loneliness. I don't want it. I hate it. It feels horrible. I have God. I have an amazing Father. WHY? What are you tell...

There's this Christian band called Luminate . They have caught my attention greatly. Their lyrics...I like them. You're best friends with the word regret You're afraid that your life's been wasted So why hope if it's only gonna let you down? You don't think people really change You're a mess and you'll always be the same And you doubt if you'll ever get it turned around So (I know) you've been running, searching for something But you're looking in a place you don't belong But it's never to late, you can't outrun grace No, Mercy doesn't care what you've done Come Home Come Home God, I'm coming home.

The Testing from Father to Son We must be tested by God, to show that we have genuine faith in God. When there are trials, whether you stand or fall, will show whether you're following God of not. Where do you stand? The storm of life happening to Isaac. (v1)  Gerar; outskirts of Canaan (Next to Egypt) 1. Faith from Abraham to Isaac: What to do when there's famine? 2. Same but different test: Gen 12, 20 3. Psalm 116:16 O Lord , truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant; you have freed me from my chains. [Like father, like son] God wants these characteristics, but the son needs to shine like stars, and stand out, not under the shadow of someone else. God's Promise Recalled The promise repeated v3-5 "I will bless you" -v4 because Abraham obeyed, and kept God's commands, decrees and laws. Test #1 The promise required. v2-3 "Do not go down to Egypt!" Stay! because God Almighty said so. Christian Education Begi...

You know, God is really gracious to me. Well, He's gracious to everyone. Like, I don't know about you, but it's not everyday a baby is saved from death. Not everyone has amazing brothers and sisters. God had me experience all sorts of things in life, whether it be having surgery several times, living with a disabled sibling, even just knowing Him is something I'm grateful for. I don't know where I'd be without him. It's so amazing. HE'S so amazing. I'm very grateful for God's grace.

WOW. just...wow. God is so amazing. He is crazy awesome. Just when I thought that there'd be no hope, God did the most amazing thing and brought her to Christ. WOW. I hope that God continues to 'toast' her with His amazing-ness. AMAZING.

Do you want to be a winner? The Race of Life 1 Corinthians 9:24-25 The rules of the race 1. Do you not know? 2. All runners run 3. Only one gets the prize 4. Run in such a way to get a prize 5. Everyone who competes goes into strict training 6. They do it to get a crown that will not last 7. We do it to get a crown that will last forever What race are you running? Race of life: Rich young man = young athlete? He achieved many medallions. Bur he knew what he achieved wouldn't last. He heard about Jesus and went to him: v17 "Good teacher," he asked, " what must I do to inherit eternal life?" 3 Impressive Things: 1. He knew that what he has was unsatisfactory 2.He decided to try out Jesus 3. To his surprise, Jesus challenged him. (v18) Do you know who I am? Why ask me? Be careful who you ask and where you look for answers. Jesus' answer: 2 Challenges #1 "You know the commandments..." ...So do it! Why do people keep doing thin...

WOW. I haven't updated in a while, except for sermons. LOL Allow me to explain my absence. Common excuse, but I'm busy. Yes. I am a student... a busy one in fact. Assignments, Tutoring, Homework, Church(though I love church). All these things/commitments have been taking my time away. bottom line is that I'm busy. Now that I've decided to procrastinate, allow me to rant. Subject selection night is tomorrow. I've been caught in a HUGE dilemma. 3 sciences...maybe. 2 languages...maybe. religion...maybe. I JUST CAN'T PICK. So far, what I've decided on; Advanced English, Maths Ext.1, Biology, Chemistry & Japanese. MISSING ONE UNIT. :/ Don't know what to doooooo. God, help? Moving on. Went over to Silas' place to get him to help me with english. He got too heated with the cohort and started to shout. But then he realised he was scaring me. LOL But yeah. It's good to have a brother helping me with homework. :3 I'm tired. I thin...

Jonah on the L plate in mission Scene 1; Catch me if you can Scene 2; I don't care Scene 3; Big fish swallows Jonah What fish can swallow Jonah? Tuna. What's so special about Jonah? Key idea of the book of Jonah. V17. it was GOD WHO ARRANGED the fish to swallow Jonah One purpose; Mission Lesson 1 God hasn't ignored them Those pople that Jonah has ignoree, God hasn't ignored them. v1-2 The word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Amittai: "Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me." We are like Jonah, we ignore those who are not out own people. Do you think God has forgotten them? Lesson 2 Please don't run away from God's mission. We need strategies in mission. Jonah has effective strategies to avoid mission. v3-4 Today, we also have strategies to avoid mission. -I won't want to see. -I don't want to hear. -Let's not talk about mission today. -Yes, Lord, please se...

lFinding a good person doesn't mean a godly marriage. We neee a greater emphasis upon 'being the right partner' rather than 'finding the right partner'. The Servant Commissioned (v3-4) *Highlight of this chapter v7: Abraham's actions weee based on revelation. In addition, Abraham instructed his servant to seek out a wife for him son with the assurance that God give diving guidance. -example of faith The Search Conducted v12. O Lord, God of my master Abraham, give me success today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. The plan which this servant devised testitifies his wisdom and maturity. (v14) Rebekah was indeed the right person. Securing Parental Consent v50-51 "This is from the Lord" - can't do.anything about it. The Return Isaac had been in the fiels as the evening hours apporached. (v63) As he lifted his eyes, he saw the caravan approaching. v66- Then the servant told Isaac all he had done. Rebekah was God's perfect gi...

Wow, I haven't blogged ALL week. That's amazing. Here's a re-cap. Basically, I've been so busy with Korean exchange students, I haven't had time to blog. My buddy is so quiet...we don't talk much. ;-; BUT. Aside from that, I'm reallh glad she made friends. She barely knew anyone from the trip, an now she's grown close to a few~ I'm so glad!! I'm also glad that she's been having heaps of fun :3 Moving along. Tomorrow's friday...wow. I'm pretty stressed over J-club, but, God has it all under control. I'm tired. Should go to bed. yeh, good idea. Good night ^_^

Introduction: Genesis 12:1 Now the Lord said to Abram, "Go forth from your country, and from your relatives and from your fa ther's house, to the land which I will show you. The Command (v1-2) And He said, "Take your son, your only son, whom you love, Isaac, and go to the land of Moriah; and offer him there as a burnt offering one of the mountains of which I tell you." -God condemned infant offering...but...He told Abraham to sacrificing his son(?) -Micah 6:7 BUT. God sacrificed his only son. God wouldn't ask Abraham to sacrifice his son, if He himself doesn't do it. (Foreshadows the death of Jesus) Why did God halt the sacrifice of Isaac? 1. Such a sacrifice would have no benefit for others. (not a perfect sacrifice) 2. Abraham already showed his faith. Abraham's Obedience (v3-10) "rose early in the morning" (v3) v5- reflected deep inner trust in God. Mount Moriah- mountain where Jesus takes up the wages of sin. Sacrifice of Is...

Haven't blogged properly in a while. School's been draining my energy and taking over me. I'm soooo tired :/ Ah well. I spent most of yesterday, after school with my face planted into To Kill a Mockingbird. I have to say, my assumptions for the book were totally wrong. It was amazing! No other book has ever gotten me to rage for a whole night because of one scene. LOL Moving on. I was just thinking. What is the importance of my existence? Surely God brought me into this world for a reason right? Why does it feel like I can't seem to do anything for Him. He did so much for me, and yet, I'm not worthy to return it. Bleh. AH! IST assignment. Despite the fact that it's due in a few days, I'm not motivated enough to get my butt off my bed and actually work on it. Watch me, I will stress greatly. Luckily Ms gave us an extension for the evaluation ;P It doesn't help the fact that I haven't even done most of my slides. Oh well. At least I got the photo...

v6; GOOD MINISTER What should a good minister/pastor be? focusing on training oneself and also training others. Sermon outline; 1. Description of training for godliness (v6-7) 2. Values of training for godliness (v8-10) The reason and motivation for being a good minister. DESCRIPTION OF TRAINING FOR GODLINESS (v6-7) v6. brought up, good teaching good minister -> servant minister -> all who believe and serve the Lord Foundation of a minister; Brought up (training in terms of being nurtured) and followed. (v6) nurturing in the truths of faith nurture; follow by example The work of a minister; "If you point these things out..." -> what things? /the following texts v7 have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales; rather train yourself to be godly train; do things again and again for perfection(gymnastics training) "have nothing to do with..." don't go down this path -godless myths -speculation -being foolish,acting s...

INTRO: Laughter (Y) Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 For everything is a season, a time for every activity under heaven...A time to cry, and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to death. Proverbs 17:22a A cheerful heart is good medicine. Abraham & Sarah laughed Sarah said in Genesis 21:6. "God has brought my laughter" Genesis 17:17 Abraham fell face down; he laughed and said to himself, "Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old? -Laughter of faith Genesis 18:13 (laughter of unbelief) Hebrews 11:11 By faith, Sarah herself received power to conceive, even when she was past the age, since she considered him faithful who had promised. Beautiful lesson of faith [Notes lost] Hebrews 11:11 Sarah's laughter=Faith. El Sahaddai: God almighty Genesis 17:1: Whe n Abraham was 99 years old the Lord appeared to him and said, "I am the God almighty; walk before me and be blameless" Our God is El Shaddai, God Almighty. There is nothing too hard for the ...

Want to try something new. Going to type sermons on my blog. :D yeh. That's all. LOL

Abram claimed that Sarai was his sister, rather than his wife. -Failure of faith Worry & Fear --> Failure of faith. What happens when our faith fails? Abram Faces a Famine v10 - Abram knew very little of God (?) and didn't think God had power over natural disasters. Abram faces the future v10-13 - Marrying his wife, and having her pose as his sister to an Egyptian to not get killed. -Plan = evil, ignored power & presence of God in these times --> doubts Abram looked to his wife to bring him blessing; but God had promised Abram to make him great and be a blessing. WRONG. His fears were hypothetical & ethics were situational. Abram was wrong to assume that he would be killed. Sinful deception began. Abram's fears are fulfilled v14-16 Abram was not the victim of what he feared: he was caused of what came to pass. Abram's plan only considered the men in Egypt, but didn't consider the Pharoah.  Much time is needed to take a woman into the p...

want to say a huge thank you to LAC. especially a certain brother. thank you that all of you continuously take care of me when i feel uncared for. you guys have been there for me every time i was down and also when major things happened to me. you were all there to comfort and remind me that in all things i have God. you've made me realise that no matter what happens, whether i feel lonely, unloved, tired, down, i have God. thank you so much. of course, it wasn't just LAC. for the last 4 years, a sister of mine has also helped me realise this fact. she's been there, consoling me, praying for me. thank you my angel, tiff most of all, thank you God. He was with me every step of the way. His word brought me comfort, sustained me, strengthened me, and everything that had been said in Psalm 119. His love endures forever. ANYWAY. i was going through my OLD OLD OLD posts, as i always do :L i had a list of names i thanked. looking back at that list, most of those people l...

KIMMY'S GETTING CONFIRMED! woooo! I'm really excited and happy for her! I may not know where she really is with God, but knowing that she is willing to take this step closer to God is really encouraging~ I pray that she will continue to grow in her faith and become a woman who lives by God's will and not her own. :)

i've had an average week. it wasn't bad...just...unproductive. spent monday watching 阳光天使...wasted a day there. spent tuesday with my mum shoppibg for sinks, mixer taps and ovens. good day :D wednesday. a day at Koorong! :D bought a new Bible~ Woman's devotional/study Bible :D good stuff~ thursday, spent with Alli at gym and lunch :) Average, with no work done. NEED TO GET A WRIGGLE ON! been "hallucinating" a lot. quotations because it isn't really hallucination, just missed him a lot. haven't seen him since Sunday and I'll only gey to see him tomorrow and a bit on Sunday. ahh well. LIVE WITH IT. it's been really cold this week. my hands are frozen as i type this :L bleh. living on third floor has it's advantages & disadvantages. so excited for the new house! it looks really good so far. i got to explore second floor the other day and planned out where i'll be placing things in my room :L really thank God it's going well~ ...

Don't ask why I'm up at 3 typing this. So, yesterday, the talk at H2O was on sabbath rest. I think the speaker is right. We try too hard to prove ourself to other people. I always try to prove myself to my parents, friends, relatives, brothers and sisters. It's no wonder why life gets so tiring. Leave it to God. These 4 words, I say them so regularly, and yet, have I really learnt to do it? Don't let your work define you, Christ defines you. There's no need to prove yourself. REST in Christ's salvation. Have peace knowing you are not a slave to sin, but a servant of Christ. A child of God. God, even though my emotions are all over the place, even though I am messed up, teach me to leave it to you. You ARE my almighty Father, and I know you know what is best. So, keep my faith in you and keep you as the centre of my life rather than those earthly things I've filled my heart with. Allow me to rest in you.

Looking through Annie H's profile pics and realising that even though I still see her regularly, our relationship isn't as great. I really miss when she used to hang with us at school. I miss when we used to sit next to each other in jap, or across from each other in tech. I remember the week she left, I was a complete crying mess. It's crazy how close we had been in that one year. Man, i miss her even though I see her regularly. Her dog died, and yet, I had no idea what to say, or how to comfort her. All I could do was give her a hug. Oh, I love her so much. <3

i admit, i am quite boy-centred.i'd be lying if i said i wasn't. but, i don't want to be. i don't want to be "just another girl" who looks up to boys. i want to be God-centred. Galatians 1:10 For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. This one verse strikes me every time i read it. Am I seeking approval of man or God. I think, as of now, probably in between, and leaning more towards man. God, help me. Help me to keep you as the centre of my life. Help me live in light of Christ rather than dwell on earthly things that don't matter. Help me seek the approval of you, rather than of man.

You? Lonely? I hear you say this and I thought, you probably don't even understand what it feels like to be lonely. This insecurity. This feeling of being left behind and neglected. You won't even understand. You say these things as a joke. I'm feeling the loneliness, insecurity, neglect. Maybe I am self-centered. Maybe she was right. Maybe I'm not caring enough to notice. But I still think you're kidding when you say that you're lonely. It doesn't seem possible when attention is always on you. When everyone loves you. I love you too. I know you love me. I know you care for me. But sometimes, I just don't feel it. Sometimes, your actions make me question your love. Is it a joke? Will you really leave me behind? Do you find me annoying? I have no idea. But for now, I'll believe you do love me.

Forgive me if I possibly hurt your feelings today. My immature self just said immature things. If you possibly can't understand my feelings, it's fine. No need for excuses, It's all my fault. -Sorry; f(x) I shouldn't have been so rash with my words. I shouldn't have just spoke without thinking. I shouldn't have gotten angry. I'm sorry if you got hurt because of my words. I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't be blaming my brain. It was my own stupid-ness. Sorry. I don't even know if you realise I've hurt you. But I feel like I did and I'm guilty of my actions. So, if I at any point has hurt you with my words or actions, I'm sorry. Sorry God. I've sinned in thought, word and deed. I've messed up again. Thank you that you are merciful. Thank you that you are a forgiving Father. Sorry.

It was a joke. I get it. But before you play jokes like those, think about how I might feel. Being left behind without being told, even though you probably thought I expected it to happen. You probably don't even know how worried I was. How lonely I felt sitting there waiting for you two to appear. Walking away in hopes you two would be there. Every single time you play these jokes, you probably have no idea how much it hurts me. Everybody leaves me. I didn't think you would too. You apologised. Were you sincere? I can't even tell anymore. I acted like it didn't matter if you left or not. You have NO IDEA how hurt I felt. How empty I feel as I type this. It feels like none of you seem to care. None of you know what it feels like to be left there. Oh right. You've never been left behind while everyone else goes and has fun. Don't play jokes like that anymore. It's not fun. Not to me at least.

Exams are starting tomorrow, and I'm absolutely unprepared. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Stressed. The first two exams are commerce and english. Omgosh. My worst subjects. Jjkfd.

i feel happy right now :3 so, surprisingly, Ecclesiastes 4 was really helpful today. v7-12, talked about loneliness, and i kinda just...broke down. all the loneliness i had felt in the past few weeks, it came back to me. i don't like the idea of being lonely, and feeling neglected, and that was exactly what i'd felt. far away, lonely, neglected. i'm glad i've told someone physically about it, cuz i know it will haunt me. honestly, thank you God for keeping my worries with you, and through brothers and sisters in Christ and the Bible, given me comfort. you're amazing.

ahh. what if he's annoyed with my constant questions...he did state that he had been answering my science honework all day > eek. i'm paranoid. anyway, EXAMSSSSS. i'm not very happy with my exam timetable. everyone gets at least 1 day off. i get none ): NOT COOL. i want thursday off~~~ darn IST. oh well. whatever. /back to essay on feminism.

"you don't have to be so serious about going to music practice" -Dad SORRY WHAT? you're basically saying that i don't have to be serious about worshipping God. i really don't like your way of thinking dad. i'm serious about going to music practice because i WANT to worship God and spend time with brothers and sisters. i like having fellowship with the brothers and sisters who care for me when i don't feel loved. i also like to do things for God, and i don't take music team as a burden. it's a joy for me to worship God can spend time with brothers and sisters. music practice for me is as important as you taking care of the family.

Time flies. It's already June...1/2 way through the year. That's just crazy. So far, it's been a stressful half year, filled with tears, and feelings of neglect, but hey, God brought me through it all. Let's re-cap all the things that happened. 1. Ran away from home. 2. Multiple panic attacks from stress. 3. Got confessed to. 4. Lots of fighting between parents. 5. Told Silas and Alli about my crush. 6. Went to Korea. 7. Passed grade 6 piano. 8. Got called useless heaps of times. As shown with all these things happening, whether good or bad, I can safely say that God has brought me through the first half of 2012, and taught me heaps in the process. I feel "closer" to God, even though I am still distant. My sould must sing to You and offering How great you are -How great you are; Sovereign Grace Music

H2O topic today was why is Bible reading important. Each if us raised a point each, but our main focus was; It's our spiritual food, it helps us grow. 'Daily bread' I've always thought about that phrase literally, like provide for us, and never realisingthe true meaning behind it. The Bible is our daily bread and we should meditate on it, and abide by/remain in it. It should be always in our sub-concious minds, and we should always refer back to it. It should reflect on our way of life, and our actions, and theoretically changes our life. What is devotion to me? Devotion starts my day, and sustains me and motivates me to live out my day for God. Sometimes I may slip and fall in my actions, but when I remember God's word, I also reflect upon the things I have done wrong. God has really changed me through the years. If I wasn't brought back to God, I would be pretty corrupted(not that I'm not since I am sinful). I would be idolising kpop artists and cu...

i feel very insecure and unloved, even though i know that God loves me. i know these feelings shouldn't exist, but i can't help it. ><"

So, in H2O, we are studying Ecclesiastes. The only thing i get from it...LIFE IS MEANINGLESS. /i don't understand it, but because i don't, i think about it more. :3 Moving on... I'VE FINALLY FINISHED GOD GIRL! i've got to say, twas an amazing book. i learnt a lot from it. A God girl is a girl connected to God, and has God in every aspect of her life. "Everything she does is coloured by the fact that she loves God with all her heart, all her soul, all her mind, and all her strength." God IS Love, and therefore we need to love, as God loved us first. "Follow the way of love and eagerly desire gifts of the Spirit, especially prophecy." 1 Corinthians 14:1 Through this book, I've realised a lot of my sins. From idolisation, to not loving, and I sincerely ask God to forgive me for my faults. Lord, help me, to have a change of heart, so that i may be a child who is connected to you. ^__^

had the most amazing experiences over the last 2 days. so, yesterday, i went street evanglising with a bunch of amazing people. at first i was really nervous because i had never been evangelising, and my theology and doctrine isn't that great. however, i had a great time telling people about Jesus with the help of Silas and Harry~ i can't even articulate how amazing it was to pray for someone i had met for a few minutes, or invite people to church. i feel really happy to even talk to people about Jesus for a few seconds. whether those people rejected us or not, it was amazing. today was the evangelistic service. brought along Bev and Nessie. though i don't know thoroughly how they took the message of the sermon, or what they were thinking about the seevicr as a whole, but i believe God has it under control, and He will bring them back to Him when it is time. i had heaps of fun these last 2 days, but it's time for the fun to end, and for another tiresome week to begin....

my dad called me useless, yet again. i can't take it anymore. it hurts me a lot when he calls me useless. maybe i am just useless. maybe, i really can't do things properly. why can't i just be stronger so i can take these comments without breaking down. argh.

i don't know why, but i'm getting really really frustrated with my family. it may be the build up of stress, it may just be my nature. Lord, I confess, I haven't been the best daughter or sister. I pray that you will help me in these times to stay calm and not become so frustrated with life.

so she wasn't mad. gosh, i feel so relieved. Thank you God.

i kinda feel very distant from everyone now.  my best friend; it feels like she's abandoning me. it's like she's not my best friend anymore. i can't articulate her feelings. i can't tell what she's thinking. she feels very distant. i can't tell her about my problems anymore. i can't even get close to her, talk to her like i used to. she's changed, and i don't know whether it's good or bad. but either way, i love her. then there's another girl. i don't know what i did, but it's like she doesn't want to talk to me. she's avoiding me. i might've offended her unknowingly. but i don't know. i could never tell what she's thinking. is she mad? i don't know. all i know is that she's stopped talking to me as much. i miss her cheerful self. i miss the her who used to tease me. i miss her. i'm really scared. what if i haven't been a great friend? what if these friendships have turned to dust? i c...

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us . Psalm 103:11-12 Such a reassuring verse. <3

control it. stop. think. do not think about blowing up. argh. okay. now that i'm calm, let's talk about this problem. so, my sister goes and takes my products to use. okay. fine. BUT AT LEAST ASK. my goodness. you have no idea how annoyed i get when that happens. however, God stopped me on time, before i was going to completely blow up on my sister. God, help me to control anger, and be calm in situations.

In H2O yesterday, we watched a movie called Courageous. An absolutely amazing movie, that is really touching. It made me think about my relationship with my dad. Is this the way it should be? God, teach me and use me to show my father that I can be a daughter who follows You, and trusts in You. To be obedient, and love my parents, no matter what they do. Show me, what a good daughter shuold be, and show me the things i am to do when i have kids. Moving on. So about that history exam i had, well...because i was so stressed and had a panic attack, God showed me comfort, and gave me people to talk to. That night, I texted Silas, needing someone to talk to. Though he was busy, he told me to read through Isaiah 40 & Psalm 34. Psalm, 34, gave me s much comfort and reassurance. I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. I will glory in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together....

i'm finding a lot of difficulty in talking to my dad. i can't tell/ask him things without being afraid he will shout at me, or call me useless again. :/ what should i do God? 어떢해 ;-;

undergoing so much stress right now. >< history exam tomorrow, and i'm completely under-prepared. i'm sick of writing, cuz i just wrote a whole 3 pages. i'm not focused enough. gahh. God, please help me! i've totally stuffed up. >< AHHH!

compare myself, 2 years ago to now. 2 years ago; cusses regularly, always backstabbing, always gossiping, always annoyed, blinded by idolatry. now; feels uncomfortable hearing or saying swear words, sort of still backstabbing (slowly changing?), gossiping...sometimes, annoyed...well. not as often. (hopefully), idolatry...still a bit, but not as major. God has really changed me. WOW. God is truly amazing. Though i may still be quite self-centred (no doubt about it :/) , i'd like to think it's not as bad at before. God, please continue to change my heart, to become someone more focused on You and your word. :)

just got notice that i passed my piano exam. thank God for that (literally) however, even though i passed, my dad called me useless. youbjave no idea how happy i was when i knew i passed, and all i get is a you're useless. great. oh well. THANK YOU GOD THAT I PASSED. heaps of good things have happened this week :) Thank you God~~~ ＜3