I once was lost but now I'm found

如果放弃是那么容易，我早就放弃了你...可是...我还不行.你有你的另一半我还不放弃你... 我真失败. 没人明白我为什么喜欢你.甚至连我都不明白. 好痛喔.我心...被你...拿走了.

FRKN HELL. i don't need to get home to my sister shouting at me for no frkn reason. it'd be nicer to just end it here that to go home to this every frkn day of my life.

TIFFANY'S GETTING BAPTISEDDDDDDDDDD ON SUNDAYYYYY :3 i'm so excited for her~ :P kekekekekeke. GOD IS TRULY AMAZING~ cannot even recall how many of my friends are getting baptised this year~ NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN. EXCITEMENTTTTTTT. RAWRRRR. /spazzing. I LOVE YOU GOD!

tired. i feel so drained of energy. i have survived the first day of term 4. but it completely drained my energy. afraid. idk. i have this random feeling of fear that is making me think...what if i don't go to Heaven. what if life gets even more complicated. frustrated&stressed. my sister ruined my commerce assignment. even though it is due next week, i spent hours on it with joanne and alice wang. pissed me off so much. ... one the other hand, B2ST T-SHIRT :D

i'm using blogspot with my phone! :P i've been wanting to do thia for a while now~ keke, it's fun :') i'm bored today, so i'll share with you an image i took~ FLOWERS  ARE SO PRETTY~ and it's spring too :P

Slowly, slowly, the stacked up emotions Slowly, slowly, the gathered memories I will slowly, slowly forget them Andante wow. such pretty lyrics. this is why i love suju~ i've been so addicted to this song today~ kekeke~ those memories, i will forget them one day. i will. :3

it's term 3 holidays already. WOW. in about 3months, i will have finished yr 9 and ready to move onto yr 10. i still can't believe i'm in high school. it feels like yesterday, that i was still playing handball in primary. WOW. i'm so grateful to have met so many awesome people this year~ KPFMA(especially jake umma), david&elaine, helena, monica, marianna. God has blessed me with so many great people, even though i'm so unworthy of his grace. God, Your are so amazing

so sick of maths. frkn hell. ahd ti do two chapters for hw ==" and i also had a maths test at tutor. SO SICK OF ITTTT.

I AM SO DAMN PISSED. FRKNNHELL. GO AHEAD. DO IT. GO AND TELL THEM I DON'T WANT TO FRKN LEARN PIANO ANYMORE. BECAUSE I NEVER WANTED TO IN THE BEGINNING. YOU WERE THE ONES WHO FORCED ME TO DO IT. AND NOW I'M DOING IT FOR YOU. AND ALL YOU CAN FRKN SAY IS I'M WASTING YOUR MONEY. I WOULD PRACTICE ON MY OWN FREE WILL IF YOU DON'T NAG ME AS SOON AS I COME HOME AND WHEN I'VE HAD A HELL OF A DAY AND I'M TIRED. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I FRKN GO THROUGH AND YOU FRKN SHOUT AT ME FOR NOT BEING A GOOD CHILD. DON'T EVEN TRY TO THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING I'M THINKING. BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ME CRYING SECRETLY. YOU THINK ALL I EVER DO IS STAY IN MY ROOM TO GO ON THE NET. YOU'RE FRKN WRONG. MY ROOM IS THE ONLY FRKN ROOM WHERE I CAN FIND MY OWN COMFORT. WHERE I CAN LET OUT EMOTIONS FREELY WITHOUT YOU KNOWING. I AM SO DAMN ANGRY.

i swear. all this shouting at home is the cause of my deaf ears. vnfejkvnuofd. when the heack will my sister grow up and stop annoying people. fdsofnoke. when the heck will my mum stop shouting. dnfjslnljfnkedlnefdkllfnerofkn. my ears are dying T-T

molly is leaving the school, her last words to me were. 'don't touch me' her last expression to me was a scowl. did she really hate me that much? i was just trying to be friendly. this one year of friendship. it all ended with pain. last week, we were getting along fine. now she absolutely hates me. i really don't understand her. was i really not a good friend? did she really not treasure our friendship? i really regret everything. now all i can really do is look at our old images and reminisce. 'ajigoo' why keep that name when you no longer like us. when you suddenly neglects us. those last words. 'don't touch me' that hurt. the flashbacks of when we first met. the flashbacks of when we got along fine. our memories. it doesn't even seem like you treasure them. one fight. completely broke our friendship. i'll miss you. but i'm not allowed to tell anyone. i can't show concern for you. not when all you did was scowl and push me away. ...

eomma. a song that brought to tears even if i don't understand. it's beautiful. when i heard this song, i thought about all the things i've done with my family. happy, and sad. eomma. appa. jeongmal mianhae. for being a bad child. i know i don't do much at home. i know i don't please you much. mianhae. The first time I met you Cried right away How he did it with joy Sad how he did it I do not even remember Because he had to give Just keep taking haeteotjyo And you did not know back then to appreciate Knows nothing made it alive I call her name My heart hurts you so long I can not give up everything more To miss you, I can not tell what My Mother Mother Oh why does it seem the tears The most precious beautiful than anyone else You, my, my mother Hostile takeovers should know better now I know Woosyeotjyo dying for me a lot Lois, what was then How many times did it I do not even remember Do not too impressed with my little gift You told...

i reached the 200 posts mark! YAY! now let's aim for 300 ;) hehe~ i feel so accomplished today~ i reached 200 blog posts, and i went exercising :D YAY :D i feel happy today :D WOOHOO :D

i read something so discouraging. it hurt. people really do think i'm not a good friend. people really do hate me. she. thinks i'm not a good friend. she. thinks i'm jot a good Christian. ouch.

umma, you've finally voiced out your opinion. yiu've finally told kpfma to stop being childish. komawo yo umma~

my sleeping pattern is stuffed up again...for some reason i can't sleep tonight. idky. i have nothing to stress about :/ noone's given me trouble to think about... oh well. --- "what if your blessings come through raindrops, what if your healing come through tears and what if a thousand sleepness nights are what it takes to know You're near. what if trials of this life... are Your mercies in disguise" -Blessings, Laura Story. this song is absolutely beautiful. this is the one song that helps me get back up after being knocked down. i love it~ God, i love you. You're absolutely amazing. i know, you're putting me through these trials for a reason right? i really thank you though, even though these few days haven't been the best, you gave me a group of loving friends/sisters/brothers to cheer me on, support me. as the song says, "what if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise" I believe in one, all-loving, amazing, won...

"somebody take me away. cuz i can't take this pain." ukiss seriously. someone just take me away. i can't take the pain. constantly getting hurt, constantly being shouted at, constantly being looked down upon. i can't take it anymore. somebody take me away. cuz i can't take this pain.

tuesday: finds out that he's dating my close siater. wednesday: shouted at. lectured. bitched about. failed exam. fell asleep doing histo. thursday: not too bad. don't want to talk to anyone now. i'm tired. gnight

it's almost 2, and i can't sleep because of kpfma. they had a damn fight again. i'm so fed up with it. but i love them so much, i can't leave them.

today. has not been a very good day > i'm tired, pissed and hungry. and i still have a headache ):

i'm so stressedddddddd ): kpop music fest tickets...so damn stressed >

the time i needed you most, you weren't there. i wanted to tell you all of my problems, but you never had time to listen. i could never tell you everything i felt. when i needed you most, you weren't there for me. so now i only trust God. and God alone.

i get so paranoid when i do things. i think, what if they get annoyed at me...what if they hate me like they dislike this other person... what if they don't want to be my friends. i try my best to please them, yet i have no idea if what i'm doing is what they want me to do >

my friend linked me to the quiet place today. it was nice. i felt quite relaxed. stressfree.

can't even have one day of peace. telling them to shut up doesn't work. this is the only reason why i hate HATE going home. a home is a place whiere i can fine comfort right? why don't i find comfort when i'm at home then? so damn annoyed at them.

哎呀。点解今年同上年一模一样。一点都没变。够没啊，好烦啊。

aishh. it hasn't been a particularly good day. especially when my sister is being so frkn annoying. i had a real urge to swear today. but i kept it in. isdlgjlhdfJjhzd. i'm so pissed. i'm so tired. if everyday is gonna be like this, i'm gonna move out as quickly as possible.argh. jaskalbJkazbfsBvzcjkasdhSGHfbkVJDVJVvbjdvBHbjhfvbjhvbjkfbjkdfjf.

i got scolded by my piano teacher today...AGAIN :/ so my parents gave me something to think about. do i want to continue piano or not? honestly, i want to. but i don't have the motivation to practice. i honestly don't know what to do. so prayer point for today: motivation to practice piano. second thing, i realised how messed up my life is. :/ so second prayer point: guide me to fix up my life and follow God's ways. i'm going to be thining a lot this week about my problems. whether it be social problems, physical problems, emotional problems. all these sorts of things will be sorted out by the end of this week. i'm going to start with social. well, for starters, my friends aren't really on good terms. espesh, jess and molly. and as someone stuck in between, i need to find a way to help them. so prayer point 3: give me the wisdom to speak to both molly and jess, so that i will hopefully talk some sense into them. another thing is me and bev...i tell her ...

it was our last yr 9 lesson at tipps yesterday. next week, we're all in a different class. i'll miss them :/ esp. david ): i don't know when the next time i see him will be > oh wells. i'm sure he'll do well in his new class ^^ same with all the others~ they're such a fun bunch, i wish i was in their class again ): bye everyonee

i'm sorry God. for all the faults i have. for disappointing you. for my shameful acts that DO NOT reflect my worship towards you. whatever i have done. i'm sorry. idky. but i've been feeling a bit insecure...who's gonna take me down. who's gonna help me up. i'm so scared that i will walkk the wrong path > Guide me God, to be who you want me to be. to follow your path. "sometimes i don't want to tell people i'm Christian, but rather i want my actions to show that i am Christian".

i went to k today! with my wonderful eomma and wonderful friends~ seriously. they are wonderfullll. eomma got me the fiction and fact limited edition albummmmmm. WAHHHHH. and doojoon poster XD i went crazy XD eomma, saranghaeyo! the card eomma gave me was funny :L cuz he drew b2st on it XD doojoon oppa saranghae~ oh yeh! it's taeminnie's bday today! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! you're legal now. hahaha. no longer little taemin~ i will rise, when He calls my name~ God is amazing. i was walking home today, and almost lost my poster and doojoon thing. and God helped me find it. and when it was about to rain, i prayed for it to not rain until i got home, and it didn't. I LOVE YOU GOD! that's all today~ till next time! ^^

i couldn 't think of a title today :L so i did something random ^^ well, technically, i'm supposed to say yesterday, but whatever. i went to burwood todays~ got ditched D: oh well. I HAD HEAPS OF FUN AT CINDY'S PLACE :D failing at mariokart :L but winning that dancing game :P i miss my friends~ especially bevv i dunno why, but i've had a headache all night :/ and it's killkng me D: my head feels like it's gonna explode. but i'm still writing this blog (: seriously, it's really painful. ouch. i don't have much to say today :/ so i'll end it at that. gnight~ ARGHH. MY HEAD D:

i was reading facts about doojoon today. one of the facts was that his fave phrase is i babo, you babo, everybody babo. in other words, i'm an idion, you're an idiot, everyone's an idiot :L haha. he's so adorable haha. it's late, good night ^^

rawr. i'm back XD starting to get back into my blogging routine :L anyway. today i had quite an interesting day, despite the fact thatni had tutoring first thing in the morning ==" maths at 9am isn't very nice. but afterwards, I WENT TO KOORONG! :D didn't get enough time tk pick a book...considering i take ages to pick good books :L so i bought bible tabs. i have to, cuz i can NEVER remember where each book in the bible is :L afterwards, i went to church with church friends, so many i don't wanna list them. :L anyway, at church, silas to me and 'him' to go get some stuff from the store. -insert heartbeat noises- gosh was i nervous :L enjoyed his presence though, even though the trip to the store was awkward :L his presence makes me feel so safe ;) dinner was pizza. omnomnom pizza silas got pissed at us :/ for a while... but when actual music practice started, it was fun ^^ learnt a new song. IT'S SO HARDDDDDD. but it's pretty. oh yeh, BARN...

awesome talk today~ megaphone of hope. louie giglio really knows how to make me think carefully about my walk with God. am i doing what's right? am i travelling down the right path? is my Christian way of life the correct way? do i really believe in Jesus? am i really a believer of Christ? have i impacted people's lives with my testimony. will it impact people's lives? so many questions i ask myself, and i think, am i lying to myself? am i really a True Christian. The cross, when i am suffering, do i run towards it, or do i turn away from it? hmm. i wonder :/ "You ate not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body" -1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Am i really Glorifying God through my life? i need to think carefully about my faith.

KPFMA has utterly disappointed me. honestly, i've done all i cam to stop the arguing, BUT NO. NOONE LISTENS. did you know that when members start fighting, people get hurt. the people who are avoiding tne situation or trying to make it better GET SO FRKN HURT. what is this? honestly. what happened to our happy family? STUPID DAMN NEW MEMBERS STUFFING EVERYTHING UP. ay. we have 667 members. WHO GIVES, WHEN THESE FRKN NEW MEMBERS STUFF UP OUR FAMILY BY CREATING UNNECESSARY FIGHTS. LIKE WTF. i am so pissed and disappointed it's not even funny. URGH. do younknow how frkn hard we older members, and our admins work to keep this group in order. ESP LUCY, UMMA AND APPA. seriously. appa, our original creator already stepped down as admin. and it's all because of you guys. FARROUT. if you're gonna keep doing things to piss us off. LEAVE. my family is not one where you can play around with. kpfma. you have disappointed me. yet i'm not going to say anything directly to you bec...

muahahahahahaha. was sorting out song leading and my performance for music team with silas today~ it was interestinggg :D despite the fact that i waited out in the cold for an hr beofre i went to his place :L i learnt quite a lot today~ and HOORAY. i have a written structure of my performance on paper :P now i need to practice practice practice (: enough of that. i need to practice piano nows~ byebye (: "Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." -2 Timothy 4:12

wow. it's been a while. honestly, i think it's good that i don't blog, since whenever i do, i'm pissed :L well. i'm not in THAT bad of a mood today :D my holidays are soooooo peaceful :P well, at least more peaceful than other times :L for starters. i'm sick :/ NOT GOOD. been coughing all day~ anyway, since i haven't been blogging, i tend to read through my old posts :L and i realise, last year (2010) i must have been really..............i don't know how to say it :L ...depressed i guess? haha. or pissed at heaps of things. i can't even count how many posts i have posted about being pissed over this, getting over someone, pissed at this person. THERE WAS HEAPSSSSSS. people tend to ask, how are you? and i reply a...hmm. not that bad. i sometimes wonder...is that sincere? :/ anyway. moving on. jess+molly? still pissed at each other. SERIOUSLY GIRLS. WHAT IS THERE TO BE PISSED AT. i was reading the fanfic jess and tiff wrote. 'The Lee famil...

you want to be a bitch to my friends? go for it. you wanna do shit to my sister and make her cry. see what i can do. you want to kick people out of the group. fine, but you know what? everyone will follow. if you kick one person out, at least one person will follow. and if they follow, the rest follows. so you will only be left alone. you make my sister cry, and you pay. you ignore her, and act like nothing is wrong, enjoy your consequences, because, honestly, you don't have many people on your side anyway. yes, sometimes you are more tolerable than the other, but when you start acting bitchy, YOU PISS ME OFF. AND YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND HOW PISSED I WAS AT YOU TODAY. first of all, you don't let me talk to the other person. second of all, you don't let my sister talk to her. third of all, you get pissed for no frkn reason. otherwise, the reason is completely invalid. fourth of all, you made my sister upset. fifth of all, you pissed me off by making her upset. sixth ...

i feel so...frustrated. because of two people. molly and jessica. both of them say insults to each other in front of me. jess goes to bev to complain. molly comes to me. wth. i'm so pissed at them. but, i can't show it cuz then they'd get pissed a me and i don't want that to happen. i want to scream my heart out. i was scream to God. i want to find a solution to help them make up with each other. "reconciliation doesn't exist..." that's what jess said. but, let me tell you, reconciliation does exist, you just have to try harder. "love your enemies as your friends" i know it's hard, but God commanded it, so we should follow it. if you find it hard, pray. ask for help from God. He will definitely give you an answer. because our God is amazing

you've been my best friend for 3 yrs. my good friend for 6 years before that. and yet, it feels like, we're growing apart. it feels like, you are gonna leave me. it feels like you're getting annoyed with me a lot more. i know, i'm annoying. i always. always do stupid things. i always seem to create awkwardness between us. it feels as if, we're not that close anymore. it feels as if you're closer to other people than me. and i'm getting closer to others too. we're drifting apart. and i don't want that to happen. 다시 돌아와 ...

i unintentionally got my best friend angry at me >

you know what i hate? people who say that"it's okay" when clearly it isn't. so why can't they just say it isn't okay. for example, when i say i'm not gonna do something, or i can stay for something, and the other person says it's okay. i know that it's not okay you know? i'm not that naive to not understand. because it's not okay for me either if you do that. another thing that i hate is when people act really sad to make people want to feel sorry for them. especially in a fight between friends. when people start to cry and do all this shit and start to complain that what we did was wrong, and what they did was right, it pisses me off. especially if the intention is to get more people to stand on your side. seriously. it's unfair. well. enough ranting today. (:

well. it's my birthday today. and it was really awesome cuz it is also my baptism :P so, first i went to church XD THAT WAS AWESOME :D hehe. my friends were like: "which guy do you like, is it the one in red" and i'm just like...where'd you get that idea from...of course not. and then i had to tell them which one it was ==" LOLOL bev asked the same thing when she came to my church :L hmm. after church&baptism, we hung around and then went to yumcha. YUMCHAAAAAAAAAAA .> HAPPY EASTERRRR! (: >

annyeong :D hehe. i had a pretty awesome day today ;) i spent most of my day in church, and it was pretty cool :P for starters, i learnt more things about david (: and then during lunch time, i brought up abckids and we started to talk about old tv shows and kids shows. like bananas in pjs, teletubbies. :L and then we were taing about books. harry potter :L i can't believe johnny actually read the WHOLE series :L then after lunch, we talked about where we should go for an outing on monday :P it was pretty funn. i talked to johnny for quite a while. we were having open discussion, and it was really cool. longest convo i had ever had with johnny (Y) i'm pretty happy :D then, we all moved to the big hall for music practice. everyone else was playing cards. while music team was practicing. i was obviously practicing, but it was pretty awesomeeeee :D silas teaching me to sing higher and louder. :D everytime he's like: open your mouth wider! hehe. i really stuffed up love i...

lately, i get annoyed pretty easily. especially because my sister is being a bitch and my brother is being a brat. wth is suddenly coming home and then acting all baby like. wth is coming home and judging me. accusing me. doing shit to me. if you really think i don't get angry from this, or i'm not frustrated, or that i can tolerate this. let me tell you one thing. I CAN'T. it pisses me off just as much as it would piss someone else off. i really don't like to live here. every single day that i stay here makes me ever more annoyed. i don't want to toleratethe annoyingness of siblings and parents. ):

if only... if only i don't get pissed so easily. if only my attitude would change. if only i had a not as annoying family. if only my life wasn't so boring. if only my mood would lighten up more. if only people cared. if only people knew. if only i thought and acted differently. then i'd be more worthy of God. if only... i had people to talk to about my problems. if only someone is willing to listen. oh wait.. i have God. off to talk to God now. byebye (: > a servant of God posted this on 2 April 2011.

my parents are fighting again. i don't like it. they fight over the stupidest things! and every single time they do that, i drain myself with music. but not this time ): my earphones aren't working fully, so i can't listen ): the sounds of my parents fighting are so scary. it makes me want to cry. i hate it when they fight. it makes me angry. sad. depressed. i need peace and quiet in my house. i don't like it when my sister shouts.I don't like it if i get annoyed. i absolutely hate it when my parents shout. i'm scared. i hate this. on the contrary. i'm getting baptised next monthhh!!! :D God is amazinggg~ he's indescribable. God is love. God is everything. God gave me evrything i have. i love God.

so i was in hospital like...a week ago >< it was soooooooo boringgg! >< moving on. he's been sick. i hope he gets well soon >< OMG. TSUNAMI/EARTHQUAKE JAPAN. and other countries soon. >< ><

have you ever had the feeling of being on the verge of tears yet they never roll out? it's been like this for me the whole week. i really cant stand that feeling, it's like being on the verge of sneezing but it never comes out. it irritates me. i've been wanting to cry the whole week. i don't know why. it's just that the tears that want to come out just isn't willing. i need to cry. i need to relieve some stress. i want a shoulder to cry on. i don't wanna fake it anymore. but i can't let my friends see me with a sad face all the time. i don't want my friends to worry. tears. they need to come out once in a while. tears.

i came home from school really pissed today. i guess it's just PMS...but i'm feeling really really annoyed right now. to be honest...i don't really have the right to be annoyed at anyone at the moment. so i'm annoyed at myself. i've really stuffed up this time. i really really really want to throw something at the moment. i really really really want to shout, yell, let out all my anger. i've lost my mind. i blamed it on people, when it was my fault. i made people feel upset. it started cuz of me. it should end cuz of me. i'd rather hurt myself than hurt the people around me. i feel so pathetic.  我好可惡哦. 難怪我身邊的人一個一個離開我.感覺好似沒人知道我心想什麼.也沒人肯聽.

i swore for the first time in a while. i've completely lost it. can't take it anymore. 我好鬼死煩啊! 我地想道歉不過你又不理我地.有時我真係忍不落去啦. 在係敢我就會忍不住罵死你.忍不住打你一把.啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊!好煩啊!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!下星期我仲要做手術咖! 你在係敢我受太多刺激就要早點進院啦. 好煩啊!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my ultimate goal this year is to build up my relationship with God cuz my relationship with Him has a big boulder of stress in between it. and i've been shutting Him out. goal no. 2: HOMEWORKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. ==" goal no.3: STOP THINKING ABOUT USELESS THINGS. ><" i realise i think about things too much. and that makes me stressed. =="

你有沒有想過你這樣對我生氣我會好傷心的啊? 你有沒有想過我的感受? 你知不知你這樣做只會加重我嗰負擔咖? 你知不知我宜家有幾傷心? 我已經夠多椰想啦. 你可以原諒其他人. 那我呢? 我已經想盡辦法要你不生氣, 不過你個態度令我無法可以原諒你. 你根本就不在乎我. 我說的對不對? 那我呢?

so i've been to china for  month. nothing much to say about it... NEXT. 2 months till the operation >:  tbh i'm kinda scared...my stomach has been acting up quite alot recently...and i'm frequently taking panadol lately cuz it seriously hurts. >.> aishhhhhhhhh. i think i'll be needing another doctor's appointment soon. 

it's my final day in hk. and CHINA BLOCKED BLOGGER. i'm so pissed. HK (Y) hehe. i've been to harbin...gosh it was freezingggggggggg. thinking about it makes me cold. brrrr... i wonder how australia is atm... i miss my friendssss >.> i wonder if the yesstyle stuff has come yet... hehe. OCEAN PARK (Y) DISNEYLAND (Y) i was out till like 12:30am last night. i'm coming back to hk someday. gonna get new nikessssss.